I think it is fair to say for many people right now life kinda sucks. We are unable to enjoy the freedoms we did in order to ensure the NHS can cope with the number of people that are unwell, and to protect as many vulnerable people as possible. Covid 19 will, I think, be remembered the way we remember the black death and the Spanish Flu, and I for one hope that I do not lose and friends or family to it (touch wood). For me personally this couldn’t have come at a worse time, living in pain as I am. The strain on the NHS means that orthopedic clinics are closed as they are considered not urgent, and so my treatments and appointments are being significantly delayed. My recent appointment was not as positive as we had hoped either, and we have asked for a second opinion which we have to wait until February 2021 to get. So, given all this, how on earth do I stay positive?
Sorry, to let you down there, but the simple fact is, I don’t. There are times when I am far from positive, in fact following my recent telephone conversation with the consultant, I was so low I was unable to write and I didn’t want to talk to people. In times of emotional distress I have learned that you don’t have to stay positive at all. You don’t have to pretend to be ok to make other people feel comfortable or better, and it is in my opinion healthier to allow yourself to feel and experience the distress at the time than bottle it up for later.
So when I need to, I allow myself to crash. I allow the emotions to run over me. I cry, and Mr. H holds me. I sew, too or crochet because this gives me a quiet task to do while I go through whatever emotion I feel at the time.
Let yourself be….
It has taken me a long time to learn to let go of the need to put on a brave face. The nervous breakdown I suffered in 2005 was a wake up call I guess, and afterwards I didn’t want to wear the masks I had previously been forced to wear.
After this recent set back, it took me about a week to start to feel my mood lifting and I can again say I feel positive but that doesn’t mean I will stay positive for long. And guess what? That’s ok.
So, I can hear you wondering why people ask me how I stay positive if in fact I don’t. Quite simply, I do not complain to everyone I meet about how my life sucks. I do not dwell on my own troubles. Truth be told, and this will come as a shock to some users of social media, most people do not care what is happening to you. They ask how are you out of politeness and if you reply with aches and pains or complaints, they listen politely and then tell the next person how you complained.
Instead when asked I will reply, “same as ever, but you just have to get on with it,” and close the conversation down. This could be considered by some as putting on a brave face, but the way I see it, I am stopping myself from repeating the same thing over and over, an act in itself that is depressing, to people who don’t really care or want to know.
I stay positive by occupying my time with things I enjoy doing, things I can and want to do – like craft projects. I stay in touch with online friends and have a small social circle I can chat to. But the most important thing is Mr. H. I stay positive because ultimately I know how lucky I am to have someone who loves and cares for me the way he does, and to be able to love him back is such a privilege. As long as I have him in my life I know I will always have something to smile about.
I have linked this post to Wicked Wednesday #438, “Pink” and Tell Me About Photography, Monochromerotic #14. Click the respective links to visit their pages and find loads of other posts that are well worth a read.