I use my blog to get my thoughts down on virtual paper and stop them from swirling around, my own version of the spanish inquisition, where I interrogate myself endlessly. Things have been rough for Mr H and I recently. Not in our relationship or in D/s terms, no, in fact I think that has helped us to weather it. This weeks Food 4 Thought prompt asks why do you write? Writing helps me process. I also hope that perhaps in some way the ups and downs of my life will reassure others that they are not alone.
I wrote a few weeks ago about how J’s best friend had taken an overdose, and we brought her to our home for a few days to recover. She went back to university and is coping day to day.
The following weekend, another of his friends called him saying he was thinking of ending his life and J went to his aid.
Last weekend J reached his own crisis point. We will be eternally grateful to his best friend who talked him down. He confided in us the following day and we got him to the Drs. He is now on different medication which seems to have made a significant difference already, and he has an appointment with the crisis team on Sunday.
It transpired that his university application still hadn’t been completed because the college he attended hadn’t yet provided a reference. Despite him requesting it 2 months ago, they only contacted him last week to say they believed he would need a level 3 course reference and as he had only done a level 2 with them they couldn’t help him. Needless to say in his vulnerable state this wasn’t received well.
Following his crisis he has allowed Mr H and I to assist him and we have now secured his offer from the University, completed his UCAS application, and reserved his accommodation. All we have left to sort is his financial support application and find copies of his certificates.
He is finally feeling positive and starting to believe he will actually be able to start university in a few short weeks.
Naturally this comes with some trepidation for Mr H and I.
Will he be ok?
Is this the right time given what happened recently?
We have come to the conclusion that he needs something positive in his life. He needs a focus.
I have spoken to the mental health team at his chosen university and they have given me advice on how to access support for him, and that makes me feel confident that he will be looked after there.
Of course there is also an element of guilt; both boys have now felt this way. I suspect a genetic component which would likely come from me, given my own history. But also guilt because when he goes to university Mr H and I will have the house all to ourselves….. and we are looking forward to that.
This post is linked to Food For Thought #113 ‘the why of blogging’, click HERE to see more inspired by the topic. Project Semicolon has resources regarding depression and suicide should you or someone you know need help or advice.