4 Thought or Fiction

No one expects the Spanish inquisition

I use my blog to get my thoughts down on virtual paper and stop them from swirling around, my own version of the spanish inquisition, where I interrogate myself endlessly. Things have been rough for Mr H and I recently. Not in our relationship or in D/s terms, no, in fact I think that has helped us to weather it. This weeks Food 4 Thought prompt asks why do you write? Writing helps me process. I also hope that perhaps in some way the ups and downs of my life will reassure others that they are not alone.

I wrote a few weeks ago about how J’s best friend had taken an overdose, and we brought her to our home for a few days to recover. She went back to university and is coping day to day.

The following weekend, another of his friends called him saying he was thinking of ending his life and J went to his aid.

Last weekend J reached his own crisis point. We will be eternally grateful to his best friend who talked him down. He confided in us the following day and we got him to the Drs. He is now on different medication which seems to have made a significant difference already, and he has an appointment with the crisis team on Sunday.

It transpired that his university application still hadn’t been completed because the college he attended hadn’t yet provided a reference. Despite him requesting it 2 months ago, they only contacted him last week to say they believed he would need a level 3 course reference and as he had only done a level 2 with them they couldn’t help him. Needless to say in his vulnerable state this wasn’t received well.

Following his crisis he has allowed Mr H and I to assist him and we have now secured his offer from the University, completed his UCAS application, and reserved his accommodation. All we have left to sort is his financial support application and find copies of his certificates.

He is finally feeling positive and starting to believe he will actually be able to start university in a few short weeks.

Naturally this comes with some trepidation for Mr H and I.

Will he be ok?

Is this the right time given what happened recently?

We have come to the conclusion that he needs something positive in his life. He needs a focus.

I have spoken to the mental health team at his chosen university and they have given me advice on how to access support for him, and that makes me feel confident that he will be looked after there.

Of course there is also an element of guilt; both boys have now felt this way. I suspect a genetic component which would likely come from me, given my own history. But also guilt because when he goes to university Mr H and I will have the house all to ourselves….. and we are looking forward to that.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  


This post is linked to Food For Thought #113 ‘the why of blogging’, click HERE to see more inspired by the topic. Project Semicolon has resources regarding depression and suicide should you or someone you know need help or advice.

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  1. It really is terrible to see our kids struggle, and to fear they might do something terrible. We have been through so much with our son and I am absolutely delighted that he is finally doing well, and in assisted living. But, I will always worry about him…

    Thanks for sharing this, and sending you hugs.

    Rebel xox

    1. Thank you Rebel xx

  2. This resonates with me! I’m glad you’ve weathered this storm and with luck there will be no others. That first college demonstrated a terrible lack of concern for one of their former students. They had to have known that the recommendations were due and by when. To leave it that long before responding wasn’t very impressive.

    1. Agreed…. thankfully the university has said they don’t require the reference for the course he’s applied for and so we don’t need to wait for them anymore.

  3. Wow! It amazes me how these schools can cause such grief. I’m happy to hear that it has worked out and that your son is able to get the help he needs. ❤️

    1. Me too ❤

  4. I do think that these are tough times for young people and I can relate to your post as both my girls have struggled mental health issues. It makes me feel really helpless – but all u can do is support. My duaghter gets excellent therapy from her “school uni” in America – I find it very difficult trying to assist her in her recovery when she is so far away – but speak to her daily. Life is never easy and where our children are concerned it always hurts so much when they are suffering.
    I truly wish him well at Uni x

  5. I’m so pleased you have been able to help get things sorted for your son. He sounds like an amazing human being who cares deeply for his friends. I wish him well in his university course xx

  6. This must have been a very worrying time. I’m so glad that things have come together, and wish S2 the best at uni.

  7. I’ve don’t have kids, but I sense my mother’s worry when I’ve been severely depressed. I’ve also had the depression of another really affect me. I can understand the guilt to a degree, but you do deserve to enjoy that time. I hope things ease for you.

  8. […] our sons have now considered suicide, our youngest just a Few weeks ago. T battled the impulse for years (When your children suffer), I’m hoping that J will not. T […]

  9. […] They have advised him to do a one year level 3 course before applying next year to start in year 1 (he was applying for foundation entry).  Unfortunately he has already told his friends he’s going to university. He was looking forward to a fresh start.  We’re fuming too of course, he was so excited and we’re worried about him given his recent history. […]

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