On Being a Submissive

Reflecting on…. life

Over the last few weeks there have been a number of discussions between Mr H and myself, about where we are, where we seem to be heading, and where we want to head.  These have led to a few realisations that in fact we need to change direction because we are heading where we don’t want to go, falling into the trap of potentially doing things because we think we should not because we want to.

Which direction do you go?

One of these direction changes involves public play. Mr H has always said he isn’t sure about it. We went to a private event and observed people that we know present a flogging scene. This was very different. One pair were solely focused on themselves and the scene, with no real interest in who or how many people were watching. The other pair were very interested in being observed and in who was observing them. They wanted to be seen/watched.

For one of them the public play seemed almost incidental. The flogging took place, and it could have been anywhere, the Dominant seemed focused only on her submissive and his reaction. Similarly he didn’t seem to be getting anything in particular out of the public play. I could be completely wrong, of course, he could feel that being on display feeds him in a huge way. But it wasn’t apparent. Whereas the other pair, asked immediately “where many people watching?” They needed it. Does that make sense?


Anyway, Mr H is a private person and the idea of public play doesn’t appeal to him on this level. Being watched would probably cause him some anxiety and discomfort, rather than feeding his feeling of dominance.

There’s more equipment at a club, and so scope to experiment, but there’s also time limits on how long you can be in a room, and Mr H is not comfortable with having to watch the clock. I guess there could be an element of being made vulnerable by being exposed but that isn’t something we have explored much so far.

As a result we have agreed that public play is a direction that isn’t right for us. Maybe in years to come Mr H may decide to bring it out for review but I think having examined the why’s we have realised we are talking about doing it more because we think “we should” in order to be a “real D/s” couple and that’s not the right reason.


I looked back at some of my early blog posts and I am able to see how much has changed, how our D/s continues to deepen. Mr H has more control. I remember thinking about orgasm denial I didn’t know if I would be OK with that, and yet here I am not 11 months later, Mr H’s ownership of my body has developed to such a degree that my orgasms don’t materialise unless he gives permission and we do have play sessions now where my achieving orgasm isn’t the goal. How things change…. and you know what??? I wouldn’t change a thing!

Well…. not much anyway

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  


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  1. Never say never Sweet. I understand MrH’s position, I don’t have the confidence for public yet. But maybe things well change.

  2. I am glad that you and Mr H are feeling so secure, happy and confident in your D/s and are able to see more clearly the things which do and don’t have feeling and value to you. At the beginning I think it is good to try lots of different things and be open to sampling some of the things you have wondered about but in time I think it is natural to find what works for you. The process of blogging has helped me to reach some of these realisations and I think that your journey is valuable for others who are in the same situation. Selfishly I hope that blogging and being part of the online community at the SWC will still be part of your journey but recognise that people go in different directions depending on what works best for them. ❤️

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