I have spoken a few times about how I have a tendency to overthink things and how this affects my mental health. The lockdown has I think, had a bad effect on many people judging from some of the comments on twitter and facebook from people who are struggling with feelings of isolation and boredom. I have a theory that having things to do, to occupy your mind is essential to maintaining a stable mental state. I know it doesn’t do for me to be ‘in my own head’ for too long. I have also shared what depression means to me, and things I think people should know if someone near them is suffering from depression or anxiety.
Therapists will often suggest keeping a diary – initially this is unlikely to be detailed. A mood diary is the most often used, whereby you just make a note of your mood during the day. In the early days of a depressive episode it is unusual for someone to have the energy or inclination to share much. Sometimes triggers can be identified by noting the activities that created a change in mood. My own depression was triggered by a number of things dating back to childhood and so my diaries were always about writing my thoughts down so we could talk through them during our sessions. Diaries can be a useful tool though, allowing you to reflect on how your thoughts develop or change over time.
A snapshot of time.
When I was asked if I would like to participate in the 7 Days In April project I agreed immediately. I know there will be a number of projects like this one and probably a lot of literature will come out documenting this unprecedented (in my lifetime so far) situation. I am one of 7 people asked to contribute, and you may have seen the four posts that have been shared so far. Links are at the bottom of the post, and the last two will be added later. Anyway, there I was, struggling with a medication change and the withdrawal effects, and on the first of April I began to document my day. Here is an extract from my day five.
5th April 2020
I got into bed early last night and when MrH got out of his bath I spent a while laid in the dark, fondling his cock before falling sleep early. When I woke my migraine was gone.
MrH drove S2 to work at half past 12. MrH asked me if I felt able to shave fully, by this he means removing all the hair from my bikini area. I said I would try and although I found it a challenge, I did manage it.
MrH decided we would do the Pin Up photo’s first, and then the rope work. I dressed up and we took some pictures for my prompt. I don’t show my face online and so I know that my images aren’t going to be perfect ‘Pin Up’ pictures but that is the decision we made to protect my anonymity. MrH got out the rope and he tied my leg for the new prompt by MLSlavePuppet. He did a few that he wasn’t happy with before he took some pictures. As he undid the rope, I began to feel the first frissons of excitement. The real fun would soon begin.
We have a new Doxy, their smaller metal bodied one, that came with a clitoral stimulator attachment. Armed with the Doxy 3 and lube MrH had me lay in starfish position, and he attached the clitoral attachment. I told him this didn’t work well and so he swapped it to the normal round attachment. I have to say I like the Doxy 3, a lot. A whole lot. I think I was insensible after a while. When I came back down, I was so relaxed I had to fight to stay awake. MrH said I should have just let myself sleep, but I can’t do that. If I sleep in the day I struggle to sleep at night. I haven’t masturbated with this yet, but I am looking forward to a time when I might. Again, signs that my libido is returning.
Of course, my life wouldn’t be my life if there wasn’t something to take the shine off a perfect day and in all I had done a bit too much. I had to take extra pain killers. No doubt I will pay for it tomorrow too. But I can say with confidence that the play time was worth it!
It will soon be chat time online and so I shall be going now.
Catch you tomorrow.
Reflecting on my diary.
Comparing my diary with the posts that have already been shared I think we are lucky that this situation has occurred in an age when we have the technology that ultimately means we can still connect easily. That is not to say that it replaces physical touch but we can speak and see one another almost anywhere in the world. Can you imagine if this lockdown happened in 1991? Very few mobile phones were in existence, the internet was in its infancy. Homes had only 1 phone line and if you wanted to make a private call you had to go to a phone box. I think we should all be grateful that it is 2020!
Lockdown and Me.
In real terms the lockdown has no effect on my day to day life. The biggest impact has been the delay in treatment and that is out of my control. I’m lucky to have a GP who is responsive and when I told her my mood had spiraled she worked with me to make medication changes. I am feeling the positive effects of the change already, and the grogginess and brain fog I was attributing to the morphine, was I think actually the amytriptaine, as now it is being reduced I am feeling more clear headed every day.
Mr H has struggled to adapt to working from home, and the change to his routine, but he is slowly getting used to it, and I know my boys are coping in their own ways. I am grateful that so far, they are all well and staying safe by adhering to the lockdown.
I do believe the world will take some time to recover from this. The economic implications will not be fully known for some time and I hope that some of the small businesses and self employed people are able to rebuild when the world starts turning again. When It does, my life will continue, in it’s lock down state, until they operate, and that won’t be for a few months, in fact I believe it is not likely to be this year. Still, I try to remember that I am lucky. I have Mr H and my boys, I am loved and love.
In the meantime I hope so much that all my readers, stay safe and well during this difficult time. Take care.
This post was shared with Tell Me About for the collaborative theme “Lockdown.” The other participating memes are Wicked Wednesday and Food 4 Thought. Click the meme names to see more posts on the topic. It is also shared with The Erotic Journal Challenge May 2020, Love in the time of Corona, more posts on this topic can be found by clicking the HERE.
The Bigger Picture.
This post is part of a larger project ‘Seven Days In April. There have already been four posts and I have a list at the bottom of this post which contains the links to each day. Two more posts will follow to complete the project and I will add their links as they appear. It is interesting to see how the Lockdown has affected different people in different ways and I am looking forward to reading the remaining two posts, and then the ebook that will contain all 7 days from each contributor.