I came to submission later in life. I’m mid 40s and I’ve been married to MrH for 20 years this year. We have been a couple for 24 years later this year. For most of my life I guess I’ve been known as quite a forceful, dominant person. I know my mum thinks, to this day, that MrH is a pushover and I get my own way all the time, but she doesn’t understand our relationship. MrH has always had the last word. He’s never been a pushover. He just allows me to do what I want to a point but if he feels strongly opposed to the direction I’m heading he would simply say “no” and that was that.
This can be simply demonstrated by the following three statements.
- We had only one child together.
- We had only one dog.
- We have only two cats.
When we first began this move towards Dominant and submissive it evolved fairly simply and easily. Initially I asked him to consider incorporating BDSM elements to our sexual practices. His initial response was he didn’t think I’d like being told what to do. Turns out he was wrong.
I enjoyed it so much, it felt so right and good, that we began talking about how it could be incorporated into our everyday lives.
There are many ways that we are restricted by circumstances but we have managed to weave the dynamic throughout our daily interaction quite effectively.
The result has been dramatic and unexpected.
With the initial frenzy came emotional highs and lows. Some of the lows have been spectacular, floods of uncontrollable tears and deep despair. Insecurities have reared their heads and through communication and reassurance they are being dealt with.
Becoming MrH’s submissive has brought with it some wonderful positive things too. The symptoms of my anxiety and depression has lessoned. I’m calmer in general and happier.
I feel at peace, like I don’t have to fight anymore. Handing control to him piece by piece has enabled me to step back from my tendency to push and allow him to lead.
But what does it mean to me in real terms? How has it changed the things I do on a daily basis?
For a start I have rules to follow. MrH suggested them and I agreed to follow them. At no time have I been coerced into this. I am not downtrodden or meek.
Mostly the rules are about helping me achieve things. For example I lost 5 stone and I have put 1 back on through poor food choices. I want to loose it again but struggle to motivate myself, so MrH made it a rule that I am free to eat foods which conform to the slimming world plan and fall into the “free” food category, but to use my syns I must obtain permission.
I am to drink plenty and he monitors this by me sending photos of each drink I make.
There are also fun rules. I must wear matching underwear and he picks the set I wear each day, and on Fridays I’m not allowed to wear panties.
I get rewards for following the rules and punishments for not doing. These rules reinforce our connection and commitment. I have the reassurance that he’s “in this” with me as he monitors me, grants rewards and doles out punishments.
For a while at the beginning I worried that I was asking a lot of him, and he was just playing along, you know the old anything for a quiet life? But he did so much research and took the whole thing very seriously – more so than I realised for quite some time.
MrH devised rituals to reinforce our agreement to be Dominant and submissive whereby he changes my collar every morning and night.
He chose a chain for me to wear that symbolised our new dynamic, made a night collar for me to sleep in and later made a silver day chain for me to wear. I now have a matching bracelet.
He located a munch we could attend and put me in contact with a local lady who has been a Domme for many years. She and I have formed a friendship that enabled me to have someone to talk to about it. He also found TheSafewordsClub and there we met the amazing Missy and HisLordship. We were privileged to visit their home last year and I now count them as excellent real word friends as well as online friends.
My transition to a submissive wife has not changed how I interact with anyone else. I am submissive to MrH and MrH alone, a fact that some Dominants we have encountered have frowned upon but that doesn’t worry me too much. I am respectful to everyone who deserves it. As MrH says, “if you disrespect Sweetgirl she will bite, and she has my permission to do so!” So from the outside, and to people who don’t know us well, it’s probably not that obvious that there has been a change in our relationship. But I think anyone who has known us for a long time will certainly see a difference in me, in my manner and mood, in my desire and need to be with MrH more, and probably in our interactions with each other.
One of the best things for me about becoming his submissive has been the renewed passion and intimacy. We had to talk. I mean, really talk, for the first time in years. We reconnected in someways and decided we needed to make an effort to focus on our relationship as a couple. Our children are now grown up and so there is no reason why we shouldn’t be doing things just for us. We now snuggle up on the couch together watching TV instead of sitting at opposite sides.
And it’s just wonderful.
Well I think I have written far too much here, and there’s still so much I could say!
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