Autumn, that wonderful time of year when the leaves turn golden brown and russet red. The birds start to migrate south, the temperature drops and the nights get longer. I have always had an affinity with Autumn, probably because my birthday is in October, but I just love the colours that can be seen in nature during this time of year. This has not always been the case though.
Season of Sadness
Several years ago that all changed. Seven days after my birthday my dad passed away. It was sudden. It was devastating. His funeral was held on bonfire night. For many years afterwards the arrival of my birthday caused a downward spiral in my mood as the anniversary of his passing approached which would linger until mid November. It took a long time to overcome this but the last few years I have found this easier.
I think this ease has come in part from the peace I found in D/s. On some level I always feared that Mr H would leave, and that fear I believe stems from the way I was taken from my dad at the age of 5 when my parents divorced. From then on I saw him once a week and in between my life was filled with emotional and physical abuse. My mum told me constantly that my dad didn’t want me and my step dad just didn’t like girls.
I am His.
I began this blog, in November 2017 as a way to process the intense feelings submission was bringing out, and as we navigated the vast world of BDSM and Kink we had to discuss what we wanted and what we didn’t. There were many nightmares had I can tell you but they too have lessened as I have come to realize Mr H does truly want me. Something I do find quite amazing.
What does all this have to do with Autumn?
I suppose to me Autumn is a time for reflection. Mr H and I are just getting back into D/s and I am a little more comfortable, due to the medication adjustment, which is giving us more freedom. I am reminded, as the leaves change and fall from the trees, that sometimes we must shed part of ourselves in order to rest. Sometimes it is the only way we can survive the harsh winter, and while on the outside we look bare we are, in fact, protecting our core selves for the future.
This post was inspired by Wicked Wednesday #491 “Autumn” click HERE to read other posts inspired by the topic.