Limits are something that every person entering into a D/s relationship needs to clearly establish. We all have them. There are generally accepted to be 2 types, soft limits and hard limits. I once read a submissive having said “I submit completely I have no hard limits I will do anything.”
When the Dominant asked her to shave all her hair off she said “no”
He of course then pointed out that this was in fact a limit, something she wouldn’t do, and we all have those lines we won’t cross.
Now, for those, like MrH and myself who have been together for many years the hard limits were for the most part easy to establish, and we agreed quickly on most.
- No scat play
- No pee play
- No toilet control
- No other people
- No gags
It must be pointed out that the resources out there are pretty varied. Our hard limits also involve any illegal activities which can be classified on some websites as kink like necrophilia and bestiality.
In the beginning I was so overwhelmed and unsure I came up with a plan to write three lists. They were the Yes, Maybe and Hell No lists.
Obviously the Yes list contained things I was definitely happy to do, like,
- Being tied up.
- Oral sex (I mean we did this anyway)
- Anal sex (we had done this occasionally)
- Spanking
- Blindfold
The Maybe list was things I was not quite so sure about, but would be willing to discuss. For example,
- Flogging
- Crop
- Paddle
The Hell No list contained (as well as the above items),
- Caning
- Use of a belt for spanking
- Use of a slipper for spanking
- Gags
- Blood play
If you follow my blog you’ll know that we do now have a cane and it’s used regularly. So that moved from Hell No to Maybe and then to Yes within the first 6 months. We reviewed the lists every few months and still do, although it’s been a while since the last review took place. When it did, nothing changed and I think we have reached the point where MrH is comfortable and until that changes nothing will change.
He knows the areas that are on my “Maybe List” and has the ability to push boundaries if he wishes. That is what the power exchange means to us. He sets the pace not me.
Sweetgirl x
To see other posts inspired by the A 2 Z challenge click HERE.
I think there are so many things it’s possible to kink-ify that it’s sometimes hard to envision where limitations might lie. Sometimes our limits are found within ‘ordinary’ things, or come out of completely non-kinky life experiences. Certain sounds, for example, can be triggering for people. Or exposure to heat and cold (or another otherwise innocuous sensation, like water-wetness or a specific fabric texture).
My hard-limits list has some things on it that other people would probably never even consider as possible issues. Certain types of music are off limits, for example. No hot-for-teacher or ‘naughty schoolgirl’ tropes (even though they are soooo common and most people don’t think twice about them). Body mod – including hair/style – is completely off-limits. And “Do NOT let me hear you eating!!!” (Seriously. Can’t. STAND. It.)
That’s true
I like your list idea…I might have to try that!
I definitely like the idea of having a maybe list – it would be good for someone like me who’s often potentially interested in something, but too nervous to follow through
I think the maybe list a great way to start a conversation
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