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Reflecting on the A to Z Challenge

I did it. The whole alphabet.  I couldn’t have done it if I hadn’t spent the weekends preparing a number of posts in advance. It was an interesting challenge but not one I will do again. I prefer writing about things as they happen to me, as I think about them, or when something inspires me. It is my “journal” after all. Here are links to each post.

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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Zoo

Mr H will tell you he doesn’t find being in charge that different. He says he’s always had the final say or our house would be like a zoo.  And he’s right. I’m a sucker for animals. We have 2 cats. We had a beautiful loving faithful dog. He passed 4 years ago and we still miss him. But without Mr H putting his foot down we would have another dog in the house by now. Mr H has an affinity with dogs, well all animals …


Blogging from A2Z 2019: Yellow

This is the word I use to caution Mr H. It tells him that I am nearing the limit of my tolerance, that I need him to take things slower, pause, or check in with me. This word doesn’t stop play.  This word prompts him to assess my body language, to verbally check in. I use this word when we play with the cane if the pain is getting too much, and he will rub my bottom for a few moments before checking I am happy to …


Blogging from A2Z 2019: X-Ray

I have had many x-rays in my life time, but have only actually broken 1 bone. Rather undramatically I slipped on the stairs trying to pet my female cat and broke my first toe (the one next to the big one) and sprained my ankle. Only 2 weeks before this I had come off my motorbike at 30 mph, with only bruises… go figure! But as I say I have had many X-rays. They are a brilliant diagnostic tool and they fascinate me. I have …


Blogging from A2Z 2019: Why

I’ve always liked to know how things work. “Why?” Drove my mum mad when I was a toddler… my boys were similarly curious.  Unfortunately, why? has been the root cause of much of my mental health issues. Why did my dad have to die suddenly of a heart attack, aged 51? Why did my mum let my stepfather terrorise me? Why did my first husband cheat? Why didn’t my dad pick me up from the train station when I would visit as a single mum like …


Blogging from A2Z 2019: Vagina

I do so like to have Mr H’s cock in my vagina. Actually for the most part I don’t care where he sticks his cock (if it’s in me) I’m happy! But I know it’s his favourite place to put it.  But from a general perspective the vagina is a pretty remarkable bit of engineering. It’s capable of stretching in order to fit a baby through it…. a baby…. my first born child’s head was big. He was 8 lbs 11 oz. He tore out of …


Blogging from A2Z 2019: Universe

I am me, the universe and you.  I first heard this song in a Greys Anatomy episode called the Song Beneath the Song.  It’s how I feel about Mr H. I am me. I am his. He is mine. We make our own world. He makes me feel everything and anything is possible. He encourages and supports me. He knows when I’m tired, worried or upset without me saying a word. He reads me. Here are are the lyrics to this lovely song. Universe and U A …

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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Tears

If you’re familiar with my blog you’ll be aware that I have regular emotional meltdowns.  Sub-drop after particularly intense play can feel quite brutal. I feel so needy and desperate for Mr H to touch and reassure me but I’m also unable to articulate it well. Usually this results in tears and then cuddles. I also get separation anxiety. When Mr H is at work on a Saturday or away from home (no matter where he is) I get anxious. That anxiety usually manifests in sadness, …

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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Sex and Submission

They’re obviously really aren’t they? Given my blog?  I have talked about these two subjects many times. I guess there have been many, many lightbulb moments over the last 22 months that the introduction of submission has triggered. I’ve felt shame which I have talked about in my post I’m Gonna Show You Crazy as well as how my inner voice causes me a great deal of stress. Our sex life has had a new lease of life and through honest communication it has also improved …

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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Rough

I like MrH to be rough. I like to feel how powerful he is.  I like it when, if he’s told me to keep still and I move, he slaps my leg and tightly grips my face in his fingers and growls “don’t fucking move!” I love it when he pushes me against the wall and teases me by brushing his lips over my jaw and neck without kissing me. I love it when he waits til I’m trembling before he kisses me thoroughly. I like …