Noli me tangere, for Caesar’s I am

Cum Tributes seem to be a popular thing at the moment and so I thought that I ought to reflect on my thoughts on them. In a recent post “Don’t be a dick” I wrote about my feelings on inappropriate communications after a follower changed from admiring to insulting in the blink of an eye,  when I declined the offer of receiving a video of him masturbating and I asked that he keep his communication respectful.

For clarification my view of respectful communication means being polite and courteous, behaving in a gentlemanly manner,  and remaining so when you don’t get your own way.

His comments became extremely vile and hurtful.  For a short while I stopped the ability to comment on my blog while I learned how to block him.

What is a cum tribute?

Simply put, a cum tribute is when a person take a picture of you, for example downloading it from your blog, prints it out, and then masturbates so that the cum lands on the picture. They take a picture of this and send it back to you. That is a cum tribute.

But surely you’re asking for it?

I am aware that I post images of my body, in various states of undress, and I am not naive.   As much as I feel I am not overly attractive, or sexy, I have received many positive reviews from you lovely people, and I have had to reconsider my point of view.   As such it is not impossible that people may have used my images as visual stimuli for masturbatory purposes.  Having said that my face is always concealed and so while my body is visible it is up to the viewer to imagine my face.  So, although it is me, it is also not me, if that makes sense? I maintain a sense of distance.

My post “One for the wank bank” is I suppose the one post I did that could be considered inviting, as the title is suggestive, but as with most of my content the image and title is reflective of a conversation between Mr H and myself, the image was sent to him, composed for him, and shared on my blog as part of my sharing that journey.

Do I want to receive Cum tributes?

No, I have to say I would not wish to receive a cum tribute.  I know it’s possible that some people would read this and say “you should be so lucky” or “who would want to” but rather than go down that rabbit hole, let me give my reasons for saying this.

I don’t find images of ejaculate erotic, sexy or arousing. As a side note, I don’t find images of female bodies arousing either – then again I am straight so that’s hardly surprising. I can admire the male form but when it does not belong to Mr H, I do not find it arousing either. When I view the images fellow bloggers share of themselves I look at them as art, not pornography. I prefer sensual soft compositions to those designed to make political statements or shock and as a rule I do not linger on images of female or male genitalia, often actively avoiding them. Cum as a substance in videos or images is one of those things that can turn my stomach, like blood (which makes me feel faint too) or vomit, so I don’t really want to see it, even as a cum tribute, if that makes sense.

I do not think about other people fantasizing about me.  What you do in the privacy of your home is entirely your business, and your choice but the only cum I am personally interested in belongs to Mr H.  Perhaps I am a prude in some ways but I do not fantasise about other people, when I masturbate I think of Mr H.  Even if I consider watching porn, and strangely when I do I prefer a group sex scene, I focus on small details, and wonder if it looks like that when Mr H is doing that to me.  There are never other people involved in our sexual adventures when I create these fantasies.  And, while it may seem extreme I can’t actually bear the idea that Mr H would fantasize about or masturbate over the image of someone else.  I just can’t.  I know I can’t see into his mind and that it is perhaps an unrealistic thing to expect of another person, but as long as I can convince myself it is true I can keep my fragile psyche intact. When I say I am monogamous I mean I am in a loving and sexual relationship with only one person, no-one else occupies my mind, my imagination, or my fantasies.

All that being said, I don’t control how people use my images (yes I know I could stop them from being copied from my blog but I don’t want to), what I do control how identifiable I am in them.  I do not post my face, and I cover or distort my tattoos as much as possible.  In this way I remain a body and not a person.  Anyone using the pictures to create a cum tribute is not really masturbating over “me” because they have no idea what my face looks like,  they could walk past me in the street and have no idea.

I become an abstract image, a piece of someone’s imagination.  I am nice boobs.  I am sexy ass.  Only those who know me in person know what I truly look like.  If therefore a person becomes aroused and uses my images for their gratification I have no wish to become an active participant.  I don’t have any desire to see evidence.  I am comfortable with people saying they found the image stimulating, hot, sexy and so on but I do not wish to know the details, I have no desire to see images of their arousal, receive cum tributes or enter into dialogue of this nature.

I’m not sure I would even want Mr H to make a cum tribute for me.  I like to be more involved in his sexual experiences.  I like is cum in me (I don’t care where) not on a piece of paper.

Flattering

Don’t get me wrong, I am flattered by comments of a positive nature, and I am very grateful to the people to read and enjoy my blog, but I do not want to enter into any form of what is essentially sexting with someone else.  If you wish to masturbate while looking at images of my body feel free – but please do not feel the need show it to me, and don’t expect me to enter into an online flirtation.   As far as I am concerned you have not masturbated for me – it was for you – and it definitely wasn’t about me, because if you have read my blog you will know I am not interested in any sexual encounters with anyone except Mr H.

I remember a gentleman on twitter (he earns that title because he asked MrH and didn’t contact me directly) who messaged Mr H and asked if he could enter into a dialogue with me in order to “bring me to orgasm.” Mr H politely declined his offer.  I found it amusing that he believed he would have the skill set required to bring me to orgasm, or that I would be interested in having him do so, given that I stated myself to be monogamous.

It’s not the only message we have had.  Any man who messages me with a “Hi” that hasn’t asked Mr H first gets immediately deleted.   If I receive a non-sexual message I will show it to Mr H before replying.  Mr H generally responds to requests to message me by stating if what they want to say isn’t suitable for public reading then they do not have his permission to contact me.  He too does not wish me to enter into any online flirtation or sexting – I am his.   A fact that I enjoy – a lot.

Touch me Not

The only conclusion I can come to is one which reminds me of the last stanza of the sonnet Whoso List to Hunt by Sir Thomas Wyatt written in 1557 .  It is believed to be about Anne Boleyn who had by this time caught the eye of Henry VIII.

And graven with diamonds in letters plain 
There is written, her fair neck round about: 
Noli me tangere, for Caesar's I am, 
And wild for to hold, though I seem tame.  

The necklace indicates to the world that she now belongs to the King.   She is now untouchable.  In the same way I belong to MrH.  I wear a chain around my neck and a ring on my finger to show my belonging to him. and while you are permitted to look at the images of my body, noli me tangere, [you cannot touch], for MrH’s I am.

Whoso List to Hunt by Sir Thomas Wyatt 1559 
Whoso list to hunt, I know where is an hind, 
But as for me, hélas, I may no more. 
The vain travail hath wearied me so sore, 
I am of them that farthest cometh behind. 
Yet may I by no means my wearied mind 
Draw from the deer, but as she fleeth afore 
Fainting I follow. I leave off therefore, 
Sithens in a net I seek to hold the wind. 
Who list her hunt, I put him out of doubt, 
As well as I may spend his time in vain. 
And graven with diamonds in letters plain 
There is written, her fair neck round about: 
Noli me tangere, for Caesar's I am, 
And wild for to hold, though I seem tame.