Journal entry 24th October 2018

They cancelled my hospital admission.

I was supposed to be having the second procedure done in my spine on Monday… by today I would have been feeling better… by Friday I would have been, dare I say, finally pain free. At least my back wouldn’t be hurting.

Instead I am waiting for them to call me with a new admission date.

Yesterday MrH told our son he had been looking forward to taking me to the cinema when my back was not painful.

I wanted to cry. You know why? Because “he wants to take me out“.

Even in the beginning of our relationship we didn’t really date. I had a house so he came round. I would go to the pub he was going to and he would meet me there. We sometimes went to the cinema with his friend and his girlfriend, but not often. Then we had our youngest son and got married. We’ve been to the cinema of course but usually it’s been at my suggestion. MrH has never said “let’s go to the cinema.” So, that’s something for me to look forward to, once I get my back done.

Anyway, I digress. We had such an amazing time on my birthday and MrH has been looking after me, encouraging me to drink plenty and eat regularly to try and minimise sub drop. For the most part it’s worked. But yesterday I felt tired and a bit low and so I asked MrH if he could plan some play to help lift me.

Sir decided to get his cane out and I was caned. I slept soundly and on the way to work this morning I could still feel a little ache from Sirs cane.

He hasn’t marked me, but I did call “yellow” which tells Sir that I am nearing my limit.

We still have limited working electric points in the house. It’s going to be another week before the landlords can get it looked at, so we have no electricity in our bedroom. This means we can’t lie in bed and watch TV, so MrH is staying downstairs. If I need to lie down it means I’m away from him and that makes me feel unbelievably sad, so I stay downstairs, which hurts.

It really hasn’t been long that we have been in this routine of lying in bed after our bath/showers, snuggling and watching TV, and yet now I miss it terribly.

It’s Wednesday and the last two weeks Sir has performed a maintenance cane session. I don’t think that he will tonight as he did it yesterday, and he hasn’t told me he plans to.

It’s almost like a routine is forming. I’m not sure that’s a good thing. A cane session in the week, a play/fuck session at the weekend. I crave more. I don’t want complacencies to settle in. I want us to have more.

I feel greedy and ungrateful because I want very much for MrH to tell me he plans to play. I want him to whisper in my ear that I’m to please him by sucking his cock. For him to touch me and tell me he’s pleased that I’m wet and ready for him. That I’ve been a good girl and perhaps he’ll let me cum. That he will have fun with my body and use me however he wants. That as he fills me with his cum, he’ll remind me that I’m his. So I will feel his ownership of me as I fall asleep, and smell him on me when I wake up.

But for now, I will have to wait and see. Part of being in this dynamic is accepting that MrH is in control, and he knows what’s best.