Pain has become an old friend to me, it’s the kind of friend that sucks you dry, takes your energy and leaves you feeling like crap. Yes pain and I are well acquainted. I have written about my friend before, many times. How it has impacted our sex lives and my life in general. I’ve talked about the Medial branch nerve block – test procedure, the actual procedures, and after a few months pain free, the eventual its return.
Since 2008 my life has been controlled my pain. Should we go for a walk? Depends on the terrain, the distance and how long I have to recover. Numerous hospital visits eat into my annual leave every year. The medication I take has severe potential long term side effects and yet I can’t function without it.
In the morning I wake up tired. My body hurts, my joints stiff. The arthritis in my joints scream at me as I start to move. At night my sciatic nerve aches in my thighs like a dull toothache stopping me from getting to sleep. I am 44 and I feel 80.
It’s a strange thing that impact play does offer me some relief. The endorphins released feel good, but as with all things, the body gets used to it. It takes longer and longer for my body to release them.
Subspace is another source of relief, but again, play has to be extended and different to send me there, which means I get into subspace less and less frequently.
I will never be pain free, I’ve been told that, the best I can hope is to find a way to live as comfortably as possible, a daunting prospect when I am relatively young. I can’t help hoping that one day I will have a significant reduction in pain, and my life can be somewhat normal again.
This post was written in response to Sex Bloggers for Mental Health #36 ‘Pain Awareness Month’, click HERE for more posts inspired by the topic.