Last night Mr H and I played. It had been a while and I felt nervous and awkward. I wanted to play, really wanted to. But when play began I felt awkward and not in the moment. It began when Mr H put my night collar on. The TV was playing and as he started running his hands over me, the conversation on the TV invaded my mind. I shook my head to try and shake it off but it didn’t work. He asked me what was wrong and I told him. Which is an improvement as in the past I have said nothing.
Mr H paused the program.
I moved to sit on the bed. Unsure what to do. It’s this point that I need Mr H to take verbal control and tell me what he needs. It’s this point I want direction.
In my fantasies Mr H would tell me to go to the bathroom, and when I returned he would have put the mat on the bed, he would be waiting for me near the door. He would take my hand and tell me to get onto the bed. He would tell me if I was allowed to touch or if he wanted me to stay still. He would tell me how much he was looking forward to touching me and what he planned to do.
But, this is not how things work in real life. I don’t think this would feel comfortable for Mr H. It would push him out of his comfort zone and as he is the one controlling our relationship he gets to decide when he challenges himself, when he gets to push his boundaries and mine.
Back to last night
I asked if we could get the mat out, just in case. It means I don’t have to worry if I squirt. Without the mat my mind fights my body and an orgasm is impossible.
He told me to put my arms out. I was on my side of the bed so one arm hung off the bed. He told me to bend that arm upwards. He told me to spread my legs wide. He told me he wasn’t going to kiss my mouth because he was starting with a sore throat and he didn’t want me to catch it.
Mr H kissed my body, and touched me, found me to be a little dry (more evidence that I am perimenopausal) so he got the lube out. This helped a great deal. I still felt very self conscious. I could hear the squelch of the lube as he stroked me. I couldn’t let go of the external stimuli and focus on what he was doing and how I was feeling.
He asked if I wanted to touch his cock and I nodded, said yes please. Being able to touch him was enough to allow my mind to focus on us.
When he finally let me take him into my mouth I let go completely and, well, I came, a few times.
I thought Mr H was going to cum in my mouth but instead he moved and came in my pussy.
I was a content and relaxed lady when I drifted off to sleep a little while later.
Definitely proof that sex is good for pain relief and relaxation 😊😊😊
Sweetgirl x
