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Living Hell

The nerve block proceedure I had on the 29th did provide some relief for a few days, as long as I didn’t move about. When I did go out for brief periods to see if there was improvement, I was sadly dissapointed to find the relief was negligable. Sunday J went off to work, and we had time alone. Mr. H held me tight, kissed me and we made love. Sometimes I think you need vanilla, at least I do anyway. Later in the day when we got the cane out for my Sunday caning things went horribly wrong. I noticed a little twinge accross my back as I counted the strikes. It faded a little as the pain from the cane became the most noticable source, but when Mr. H decided it was over and I tried to move, I couldn’t. The pain went from a twinge to a flaming hot poka, across my back, over my hip bones and down both legs. Crying out from it I felt the blood drain from my face. All the pleasure from the day gone, here was a brand new hell.

Hell on Earth.

Mr. H had to help me move as I cried and whimpered from this pain. I had no idea what was causing it only that where I have got used to being in pain at a certain level, this blew it out of the ball park. I was back to the level of pain I had experienced earlier this year when I had no pain medication at all. There are times, and I am sure I am not alone, when I wonder what I have done in a previous life to deserve such hell in this one. Of course I have to remember I also have Mr. H and he does make it much better, but still, what life does he have either, looking after me and seeing me in pain? I remember a new father saying once that the worst thing about watching his wife give birth was seeing her in pain and not being able to take it away, and I know he feels that same frustration at times.

I have been keeping track of the pain I have experienced and today I emailed it to the consultant and my GP updating them on the situation. It is possible this pain is from the nerve block as it is more painful on the left, but the right side does still hurt so I am not convinced. In the mean time I am in a new level hell until it subsides or I get used to it, unable to concentrate on crochet patterns or reading, and finding sleep elusive.

Syn Tracking.

I said I wasnt going to continue to write all my food diaries out, I don’t want to bore the pants off you, so I am not, however, I will say I have eaten on plan the last few days. I am completing the planner on the SW app which means I know exactly where I am at. There is a rhyme we have which reminds us to record our food and drinks (see below) which is cheesy but it works. The reasoning behind this is to make sure we are eating conciously. It is very easy to plan to eat one biscuit and end up eating the whole packet. If you write down 1 busicuit 3 syns, it makes you aware that a whole packet is going to add up…

If you bite it – write it,

if you drink it – ink it.

Mood.

As you can imagine, my mood has been muddled. I am sticking to plan well enough and I even treated myself on Sunday while Mr. H was in the bath, by plucking my eyebrows and then applying a charcoal face mask. My Skin feels calm and soft, and I feel positive for controlling my diet. I am excited to see any links to Love Your Selfie, and The Fun Theme Photo Meme. I don’t know if we will get to the beach as it is nearly an hour drive and the wheelchair isn’t sand friendly, but I will come up with something, and I plan to post once a month to Love Your Selfie, picking a body part I am not so happy with each time.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  

 

10 thoughts on “Living Hell”

  1. I am so very sorry you are in so much pain, Sweet. I had hoped the procedure you had would have helped, and am sorry to hear the pain is so unbearable. I wish they could help you sooner! Take care.
    ~ Marie xox

  2. I am sorry to hear the nerve block is not so successful. And what use is it if you cannot move about? The canning may have to be put on hold, that was distressing to hear, and must have been horrid for you both.

    I asked Dream if she had any beach photos and she sent a bunch, you may be happy to hear. She gave me a selfie to send you too, I added it yesterday, I think. I’ll make a post also when I have a chance.
    elliott henry recently posted…#ThePenisProject… No. 2My Profile

    1. Yes, I have that image. I will be framing it and adding to the gallery soon.

      It is very frustrating to now be in even more pain again, I just hope they move to the surgery soon so I can get back to life.

  3. Pingback: My hospital appointment was cancelled. Now what? ⋆ A Submissive Wife

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