Constant pain, burning pain, breathtaking pain. Unless I am asleep I am in pain. Things have been a little easier for the last two weeks as the Dr agreed to increase the morphine I take to 100 mg of slow release morphine per day. This period is coming to an end, and so I have started to slowly reduce the dose by taking 40 mg at night time and 50 mg during the day.
Feeling the effects.
It has been two nights on the lower dose and this morning I can tell. The bilateral sciatic pain is there again. It burns over my hips, down my thighs and calves, all the way to my big toe. Even when I am in my comfortable position the pain is there. I can’t really focus on writing this so I will be brief.
So, why do I hate being in constant pain?
Aside from the obvious (meaning it hurts)…
Well, it takes over your entire life. Every single decision is affected by the constant pain. Should I make a drink? Think about trying to carry a cup of hot liquid upstairs while shaking from pain and dragging myself up the stairs back to bed. Have a shower? Consider the impact of taking more morphine in order to have a shower without crying. Write a blog post? Can you focus? Trying to go to a hotel is just pointless.
I spend my day wriggling and shifting trying to ease the unendurable, relentless, and constant pain.
It is addictive, no denying or escaping that one, but one way or another after the operation I will stop taking it. It has a sedative effect, and most of the time it makes you sleepy. I, of course, seem to be one of the few where it can act as a stimulant. So on the higher dose I struggle to sleep. On the scale of being in pain v’s being unable to sleep I will always chose to end the constant pain.