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Why I hate being in constant pain.

Constant pain, burning pain, breathtaking pain. Unless I am asleep I am in pain. Things have been a little easier for the last two weeks as the Dr agreed to increase the morphine I take to 100 mg of slow release morphine per day. This period is coming to an end, and so I have started to slowly reduce the dose by taking 40 mg at night time and 50 mg during the day.

Feeling the effects.

It has been two nights on the lower dose and this morning I can tell. The bilateral sciatic pain is there again. It burns over my hips, down my thighs and calves, all the way to my big toe. Even when I am in my comfortable position the pain is there. I can’t really focus on writing this so I will be brief.

So, why do I hate being in constant pain?

Aside from the obvious (meaning it hurts)…

Well, it takes over your entire life. Every single decision is affected by the constant pain. Should I make a drink? Think about trying to carry a cup of hot liquid upstairs while shaking from pain and dragging myself up the stairs back to bed. Have a shower? Consider the impact of taking more morphine in order to have a shower without crying. Write a blog post? Can you focus? Trying to go to a hotel is just pointless.

I spend my day wriggling and shifting trying to ease the unendurable, relentless, and constant pain.

Morphine downsides.

It is addictive, no denying or escaping that one, but one way or another after the operation I will stop taking it. It has a sedative effect, and most of the time it makes you sleepy. I, of course, seem to be one of the few where it can act as a stimulant. So on the higher dose I struggle to sleep. On the scale of being in pain v’s being unable to sleep I will always chose to end the constant pain.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  

 

16 thoughts on “Why I hate being in constant pain.”

  1. I hope the operation comes soon and it relives you of the suffering. i can’t imagine the constant high level of pain.
    Be well soon

      1. So sorry you’re in pain . I’ve seen how morphine helps. Mr Sam took it for his neck issues. He was taking it so much that he became addicted. So he now suffers without any pain medication. I’m allergic to morphine. Took it once and that was in hospital after baby.
        Suffering in pain ruins most days and even when the pain still isn’t too bad it’s just a matter of time from overdoing it. At least for me. I can relate to some of what you’re going through.
        I feel for you. I know it’s discouraging and can drag a person so far down emotionally. Try not to let it bring you down.
        I do hope that surgery can be done soon.
        One day at a time.
        Sassy Cat recently posted…What are You Afraid of?My Profile

  2. I am so sorry, Sweet, that you are suffering like this. I know how consuming pain can be, and how it influences one’s life. Not that I was in pain, but I witnessed it in Master T, and felt the effect of that on our life. You are strong, but I know it’s not what you want to hear now, and I wish for you that they can help you very soon. Take care.
    ~ Marie xox

  3. I am fortunate in not having had to live with this sort of pain. I can empathise with how you feel from your writing but it is hard to really imagine who it would be. Hang in there sweet. Hugs. missy x

  4. Pingback: How to stay positive when life sucks ⋆ A Submissive Wife

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