The Voyeur in me

Playing in public, being watched or being the voyeur is something that intrigues me a great deal, but does that mean it is something I want to do? Gerri Halliwell’s song Look At Me as all about the media obsession with taking pictures of celebrities, and more recently, Lady Gaga, used the media as inspiration for her song Paparazzi. Being viewed as an object is nothing new for some people, especially those who live in the world of celebrity but for the average person, that level of intrusion is unsettling. I think that the appeal of many porn films is the taboo concept of viewing people during a private moment. When I watch porn (not often mind you) it is the voyeur in me that gets a thrill. The idea of people watching us, is something that turns me on but, I have a love hate relationship with being viewed,because, and I am certain that it is closely linked to my self confidence and my body image and weight at the time, part of me is frightened of being laughed at or judged.

Hiding.

In January 2017 I received a certificate to say I had achieved a weight loss of 5 stone. It had taken me 15 months, and I felt fabulous. I was wearing dressing and skirts. Tight tops and skinny jeans. I even got into some bike leathers. I was able to walk without getting so out of breath and tired, and the back pain which had been unbearable for 5 months had been brought under control with pain relief. Life was good. I look hundreds of selfies and body pictures, and would even put a bit of makeup on- just some lippy and mascara though nothing outlandish. At this time however I did not mind people looking at me

Working at the company I did unti, October last year, I slowly gained the weight back. In 18 months I probably only had a lunch break a handful of times. One of the pain killers they put me on last year is known to cause weight gain and it did. At this point I am almost back to the start, and a week ago I decided to go back to basics and follow the diet plan that helped last time.

Voyeur.

We have watched a public flogging scene but to date we have not done any play sexual or kinky, in public, and as uncomfortable as I feel now I would not want to, but when we first went to the munches, and I was in my skinny jeans and mini skirts I would have agreed if Mr. H had asked me to.

The public scenes we watched were amazing, but I suspect they were very different to the floggings that would take place in private. One of them wanted to know immediately after how many people had watched. They needed to be watched.

I exist in a dynamic and one of the primary principles is the power exchange is that Mr. H gets to decide when, where and how we will play, and he is not sure. As such it is something I have accepted is not likely on the cards for us- and that’s ok. It isn’t something I feel that strongly about and so putting it on the shelf isn’t a hardship. Perhaps a first step would be to indulge the voyeur in me and just have a walk about (when I can) and watch the play going on at the club.

I also think that the reality would fall very short if the imagined, if we were to fuck or play at the club. Mr.H would be very nervous as would I.

Food Choices.

Mood.

The diet is going well. Yes , yes I ate double the allowed amount if syns allowed on Wednesday but we decided to have a flexible syn day. This means I eat what I want as long as I count them! Of the 15 syns extra I didnt use 9.5 the following day, meaning I have only exceed by 5½. In addition I have 1 syn not used earlier in the week, reducing this further to 4½.

I’m keeping s record of the pain I’m in following the nerve block, but so far I am not impressed. It is weigh day tomorrow. Fingers crossed for me please!

Love your selfie – shameless plug!

So many of us are unhappy with our bodies, I wanted to create something that celebrated how every body is beautiful and I came up with this. A whole website of images, images of people sharing what they love or like about their bodies, or if a particular image has helped change their self image to share this. Click HERE to find out more.

Sweetgirl x

This post is linked to Tell Me About #39 “Voyeurism” and 4 Thoughts or Fiction #154 “The Gaze in Sex or Kink”. To see more posts click each prompt name.

Addendum: I missed the link up for 4 Thoughts so my post is not linked but please still check out the entries.

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Slimming World Terminology

There are a number of terms used in the slimming world plan, here I hope to explain what they are.  If there are any other things you don't understand leave a comment or use the contact form and I will update the list.

• Free. These are foods that can be eaten without weighing or measuring.  Generally fruit, vegetables, pasta, rice, lean meat, beans pulses and lentils.  
• Speed. These are free foods that help you loose weight.  The more of these you eat, the more weight you lose.
• Healthy Extras.  These are foods that need to be weighed or measured but are also essential to a healthy diet.  Cereals, bread, milk, and cheeses. 
• Syns.  These are the foods that you have to record most carefully.   Chocolate,  crips or chips, biscuits or cookies, fast foods, pastries,  desserts, cake... etc.
• Group.  This is the slimming world group, or other slimming club group that you might attend when following a franchise style diet.  Once a week you attend to be weighed on a calibrated machine.  Rewards are given out for achievements (usually every half stone lost). 
• Consultant or Group Leader.   The person who runs the previously mentioned group.