For many years I was ashamed of my body. I avoided mirrors, and was convinced my husband found me unattractive. Diets never stuck – or should I say I never stuck with diets – and for every bit of weight I lost I gained double within a few months. It took me a long time to realise that the reason for the weight gain was emotional not physical. Yes I ate too much or ate the wrong foods in excess, but because I hid myself …
The Voyeur in me
Playing in public, being watched or being the voyeur is something that intrigues me a great deal, but does that mean it is something I want to do? Gerri Halliwell’s song Look At Me as all about the media obsession with taking pictures of celebrities, and more recently, Lady Gaga, used the media as inspiration for her song Paparazzi. Being viewed as an object is nothing new for some people, especially those who live in the world of celebrity but for the average person, that …
Mental Recharge
Every now and then we all need to recharge our batteries. It may be that we have had a traumatic experience, suffered a heartbreak, a financial crisis or a particularly busy period at work. No matter what the cause every now and then we need to take time out to assess our own mental health and protect it. Surrendering. The hardest thing about looking after your mental health is realising when you’re heading for a crash and learning to surrender the fight BEFORE the you …
The relationship between libido and desire.
In my opinion libido is a delicate thing, which can be influenced by many different things. For example, medication, particularly antidepressants, can reduce libido, menopause (both male and female) and depression can cause the loss of libido. Libido is defined as sexual desire by the Oxford Dictionary, and so another way to describe it would be loss of desire. I have written recently about my own reduced libido and difficulty reaching orgasm, which I have concluded to be from the medication I was taking at …
Amature Photography
I don’t take a huge amount of photographs and I would say I dabble with photography more than anything and I will be eternally grateful for editing software! I do think that taking pictures of myself has helped to improve my self esteme and there are quite a few images I have taken that I am very happy with – generally speaking they feature my boobs. Breast Photography. I have written before about how I love my boobs, and I have a section of the …
I’m Still Standing
Well metaphorically speaking anyway! I have endured and overcome many things in my life so far. I have written about most of these things before. No matter what has been thrown at me, I have with determination and perseverance, continued to live my life and to be kind to everyone I meet. Despite my childhood, my children’s mental health challenges, and my own daily struggle with pain and depression, I have persevered. A pig headed, probably irrational, desire to believe that this is not going …
Going Out.
After work on Monday, Mr H took me to the supermarket. We used our blue badge to park in the disabled bays, and I used my wheelchair for the first time outside. It wasn’t a long outing, and perhaps it isn’t really a date but we were together and out of the house! I urged Mr H to walk slower at one point so it wouldn’t be so quick, but being out in the fresh air, for just a short time was lovely. We haven’t …
Friends that come and go
I have had many friends throughout the years but I do not have any life long friends. I have often said that people come into your life for one of two reasons, either they are there to help you, or you are there to help them. Vanilla Friends. I seem to have many friends who have been placed in my path who have taken from me in some way. DD Jen recently used the term “bond or burden” in her post Can I watch you have …
Hearth and Home
My home is very normal, modest, and rented. To some this means it isn’t ours as we will never own it, but I believe that my home is not about the bricks and mortar it is about the people and love it contains. It doesn’t matter how posh the hotel we stay in, I always miss the comforts of our hearth and home. Home is where the heart is. This is a well used phrase isn’t it? I don’t know about anyone else, but I …
Prioritising Intimacy
Yesterday’s post Hairy Pussy resulted in a long discussion between Mr H and myself. Probably one that was very overdue, well there is no probably about it really. I have written about how we have not made the effort we should, and again and again said we would, but we haven’t. We have not focused on ourselves, we have not been prioritising intimacy. Not really, and definitely not consistently. Life gets in the way. 2019 was not a great year for us. My back pain …