A new blogging couple Purplesole and LittleGem wrote a post where for a short time he allowed LittleGem to top him. The experiment showed Purplesole how aftercare was extremely important, and this got me thinking…… Have MrH and I ever discussed aftercare?
Well yes we have, but perhaps not in the necessary detail. I have never told him what I need. And then I thought, why haven’t I?
Maybe the same reason I tend not to share my needs, wants, fantasies and desires…
I don’t want to challenge MrH’s authority by asking for things he hasn’t decided to give.
I don’t want to make him feel like he should be doing more, or that he is doing something wrong.
I don’t want him to think I’m being greedy.
So, what does my aftercare look like?
After any play MrH will hold me, and make sure I am warm by covering me with a blanket. After any especially prolonged play, like when we’re at a hotel, again, MrH will hold me, cover me and check in verbally by asking how I am. The last time we were away, MrH also made me a warm drink and brought me some biscuits.
As with all things, when we began our D/s relationship, I had an idea, a fantasy of how that would look like, and when I learned about aftercare I built an idea of that in my mind.
In my vision after play, MrH would cover me and hold me. Stroking my hair and telling me how proud he is of me for (insert what ever play has taken place) and how he loves me. After intense play he would make me a hot drink and continue to hold me. Perhaps, running me a bath and talking to me, washing me, gently drying me and then more snuggling.
So I guess my vision isn’t far off the reality and MrH must know me after all.
I have told you before I am not a mind reader. So if you need something specific you need to let me know.
I think we put a lot of pressure on and emphasis on aftercare (because it is important) and by doing so, we create the idea that it’s a separate entity whereas most of the time it occurs naturally. In vanilla relationships, many couples cuddle after sex and chat or just relax, and aftercare can be that easy. If HD and I have a hard impact scene, there’s a bit more emphasis on massaging/tending to the skin that was affected, but mainly we cuddle and rehydrate. A lot of the time, the simplest solution is the best. 🙂
I have always fantasized about a deep sort of aftercare like that, following a heavy scene, but like you I am not sure how it would play out in real life. For now, the cuddles and physical closeness works. 🙂
I wanted to include something about the difference between romantic-based D/s relationships and non-romantic ones, but I didn’t want to take away from your post. I do agree, there is a difference and each have differing needs, but both are valid.
Thanks for mentioning us Sweet ☺. I like the idea of a warm drink and biscuits myself after play. Especially this time of year.