Being Mindful

I practice being mindful often, and have done for years.  It is something that you are encouraged to do during counselling after a breakdown, to not focus on the past, and to be present in the moment.  It does take a lot of practice and I am not perfect at it, in fact most of the time I suck at it.

How I practice being mindful.

Everyday I try to take a few moments to close my eyes, and breathe.  It is the only thing I think about for those few moments, breathing.

I breath in deeply, expanding my belly,

I feel my lungs inflate fully, and I count to five.

In, two, three, four, five.

Then I pause, holding my breath;

hold, two, three,

before breathing out slowly.

Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

I repeat this a few times and it does help.  I mean it does calm my mind a little but it doesn’t solve the problem and worries that run wild in my mind.

Band aid over a bullet hole.

Honestly, I don’t think mindfulness solves any problems.  I believe some personalities are prone to burn out, I definitely am.   People pleasers, like myself, struggle to say no, we say yes.  We overbook our time, offer to help others, and do not look after ourselves.   Eventually we burn out.

Being mindful, present in the moment, not looking forward or back, is relaxing, calming but it doesn’t stop the cause of the stress.  It is a bandaid over a bullet hole – completely useless unless you fix the bullet hole.

Fixing the cause

Mindfulness is all well and good, but eventually you have to address why you feel overwhelmed in the first place.  You have to work out what it is that makes you feel stressed.  It has taken me many years to work out some of the things that stress me out.  Being mindful was not useful in that process, because to work out what caused the problem required some reflection and introspection.

I know I try to do too much, too fast and I set unattainable standards for myself.  During my childhood the only praise I remember getting was to do with academic achievement, and even then I did not achieve the greatness that my younger brother did.  I have burned myself out far too many times trying to be perfect; the thing is, I don’t actually know what this ‘perfect’ I am trying to achieve looks like. I am just filled with self doubt.

Becoming a Submissive Wife helped.

When we introduced D/s to our relationship and Mr H took over the majority of decision making I found I was able to relax more.  The more the dynamic progressed the more I relaxed and allowed him to lead the better things got at home.  I wasn’t worried about having to manage everything because Mr H had the responsibility for it.  When he told me I had done a good job, I got the validation I finally needed.

Work was another matter.  I took a step up the ladder into a managerial role for a busy, growing business, and it was a job I could do.  What I couldn’t manage was the personalities and tempers of the directors, well one director in particular.  I don’t work there anymore.  I have a part time job at the moment, although I am not sure how long I will have that, not with the present situation.

In the meantime I know only one thing, I will get through it, Mr H will get me through it. Being mindful will help me relax a little each day, but it is nowhere near as effective as a cane session.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  


This post is linked to the Erotic Journal Challenge, click HERE to read more posts inspired by the topic.

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  1. You are spot on with what you have said about mindfulness and being a pleaser. I am looking at why I please others and what I do about it.

    1. There was a book I found which really helped me understand where some of my traits came from. It is about depression primarily because my burnout lead to a full breakdown. But I recommend it.

      Depressive Illness: The Curse Of The Strong: The Curse of the Strong (3rd E… via @AmazonUK

  2. Thanks for that. I’ll have a look.
    S Mace recently posted…The Block Editor is Now Supported on the WordPress Native AppsMy Profile

    1. No problem

  3. I learned mindfullness in an intensive outpatient program after a breakdown. It was Dialectal Behavior therapy which is the only type of therapy that has helped me. Being mindful can help me to avoid destructive impulsive behavior by taking a step back. I agree that it doesn’t get to the core issues though. Maybe one day I can try out a D/s relationship. I think it would do wonders for me. I’ve been managing my bipolar disorder fairly well. But, the anxiety gets the best of me and lessens the quality of my life. I can see how a D/s dynamic could ease my anxiety in so many ways and help me to build better habits.
    s.e. recently posted…Flaunting it through my 20’sMy Profile

  4. I do agree that mindfulness doesn’t solve anything…but I don’t think it is meant to. I think it is meant to be more preventative…something we do to keep ourselves from doing or being or going into whatever state we are trying to avoid…or something to help ourselves do or be or go into what ever state we are trying to attain. I think it is more about presence. And that is something I definitely need to work on. I, too, over do and give in too often to the overwhelm – almost every day, actually. I am prone to anxiety and depression, and while mindfulness does little to counteract it, it does help me to be more aware, which I feel is a sight better than not being aware.

    1. I guess that is a valid point. I don’t do well at it. I think the time I am most mindful is during a cane session, when I focus only on my breathing and the feelings.

      Sweetgirl x

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