I have a few different ways of dealing with stress, I have a tendency to withdraw, to shut down, to become quiet. Add the isolation of our current situation and I think one of the reasons I havent written much recently is that I write about the things I do and find interesting, and let’s be honest, I spend all day laid in bed looking out of the window, with the same view. The only thing that settles my mind is knowing that Mr. H is here, and my regular impact sessions with the cane.
At least once a week Mr. H gets the cane out, usually on Wednesday and sometimes on Sundays too (although Sunday might not happen if we have played during the day). The cane allows me to relax and for a short time I have a reduction in the pain I experience too. But, what does it feel like and how does it help?
My blog is my voice.
It is answering these questions and sharing these experiences that inspired me to start my blog back in 2017. I write to process things, but also to share what I have learned . My recent post about all the different Pride Flags, was done to share what I had learned from days of research, and was aimed at those people who have never felt a need to know.
That isn’t to say that if you don’t know all the flags you are a bad person or less of a person, I mean most people associate the rainbow with the LGBTQ+ community, but the nuances of different groups are not necessarily as well known. My blog has always been a place where I want to share what learn or what I have found interesting.
The last few weeks my posts have reduced in frequency because I try to be positive in my posts and at the moment I’m feeling anything but, and really you don’t want to hear about my boring ass life. I’m sure we are all the same to some extent, like living groundhog day! The blog would be borimg … woke up, had breakfast, back to sleep, woke up again, did some crochet, had dinner, did some more crochet, had tea, had shower, had cuddle, went to sleep. Like I said- boring!!! LOL
But, blogging is important to me. I enjoy doing it, I enjoy reading the blogs of other people, I love how I have made friends with some amazing, supportive and caring people, who check in with me, and make sure I am ok. I wrote a post a short time ago about starting a blog, and the things I wished I had known, which I recommend you read if you are thinking of doing so.
Back to the subject of today’s post – the cane.
Do you remember?
I lay face down over my wedge, almost like I’m on my hands and knees but my body is supported. A soft pillow under my head and my backside presented as a perfect target for Mr. H.
Mr. H always begins by asking if I am ready and if I remember my safewords. Once I have confirmed I am and I do he will begin.
I usually flinch when the first strike lands even though it isn’t hard, just a reaction, from the strike. He taps my backside with the cane in steady rhythmic groups of 50. At first I count along in my head, but these first strikes are the ones which will, sting. As the stinging sensation builds I take deep breaths in, breathing out slowly, to manage the pain. The cane impacts both cheeks but it is the tip where the heat builds and the stinging pain is focused. In this case my right cheek.
After 50 he will stroke my bottom, and ask if I am ok. When I respond that I am ok he will continue. These initial sets are usually accompanied by much body wiggling. My toes flex when the stinging peaks, my hands might flex too, and of course my breathing or occasional whimper all tell Mr. H that I am able to communicate. The second group of 50 done, Mr. H changes side and the 3rd set begins.
This time the heat and sting from the cane is concentrated on the left buttock. With each strike the pain builds a little more, and by the time Mr. H begins the 4th set my breathing has calmed, I am not having to take such deep breaths to manage the pain because it has started to fade.
Between each set Mr. H checks in. Sometimes I become so relaxed I don’t want to speak, and if I do not respond verbally, Mr. H will take my hand. I squeeze it to let him know I am ok to continue. This week I remained able to speak, but when he started the 5th set of strikes, I was very relaxed.
Is this the subspace people talk about? I think so, but as it seems to be an individual experience it is hard to tell for sure. It certainly feels like an altered state. I don’t feel the pain anymore, and my body stops reacting to the blows.
When we first began using the cane I would receive 100 strikes. Now I have 500. It takes more to achieve the same state of relaxation. But when the caning is over, Mr. H will help me under the covers, and lay holding me while I lay in a state of deep relaxation. Sometimes I will fall asleep for a short time.
Once the pain reducing endorphins are released it isn’t just the pain of the cane that it works on. My back pain also reduces and it stays that way for an hour or so. Unfortunately it isn’t a permanent solution but it does provide some relief.
The added bonus of course is that this type of play brings us closer together too, the moments after, being laid close together, touching and sharing our love.
This post is linked to Tell Me About “Writing and Blogging”, click HERE to see more posts linked to the topic.