The decision to wear a collar or not is of course entirely personal. It doesn’t make you any less of a submissive if you don’t wear a solid collar with a padlock so big your neighbour could see it without their binoculars! Your dynamic is private and personal to you – so if your Dom says you’re not a good submissive because you want something discrete or don’t want a collar at all, he is probably not the Dominant you want or are safe with.
Making the decision.
MrH and I spent quite some time talking collars. He wanted something that I could wear at any time and only he and I would know it’s significance. We decided it would be nice if he found something he liked because historically I had always chosen my own jewelry. He started searching for something that would work. Time and time again he came back to the idea of a long silver chain with a ring at one end. This is worn by threading one end through the ring.
I loved it but it wasn’t something I could wear all the time. The free end was long and would easily break if I wore it to bed – and I liked the idea of having a night collar that would perhaps be more suitable and indicative of play.
Getting creative – making collars
So MrH started looking for something and in the end he made me a collar out of suede for me to wear at bed time.
Initially we had thought that there was not necessarily a needed to have collars, after all we’re married, I have a wedding ring. Having a collar does have advantages and I have found it really does help me get into the submissive head space when my night collar goes on. The day chain enables me to feel close to Sir while I am at work; reminds me that I am his. This works for us and is what we wanted, but it really is up to you to make your relationship what you want it to be.