This post isn’t an easy one to write. But I’m going to do it anyway. Because I think I need to. Since we started in D/s we’ve explored so much and grown so much but in other areas I struggle. One of these is talking to MrH about intimate things. Talking about my body, what I fantasize about. When I do I hide my face, I feel shame and embarrassment. And I wish I didn’t. I can write it without issue. But I’d like to …
2am
It’s 2am. I’m awake. Not good. Our eldest son who’s almost 25 recently told me he’s still struggling with depression and feelings of self harm. Although I’ve got him to the medical professionals I don’t know if he’s actually attended any of the follow up appointments, and he refuses medication. What has this got to do with me being awake? I came home from work today and assumed he was at work, and that he would be home around 11. It’s now 2am. He isn’t …
Feeling disconnected
There are times when I feel like I ‘need’ Mr H to push me into feeling submissive. This usually coincides with times when our bedroom play has been limited. I lose the close connection to Mr H, instead I feel distant and disconnected as if I am protecting myself from a perceived or expected hurt. Background: Our children are not children anymore at 24 and 19 (sorry for those followers who already know that) and Mr H and I have no intention of them being …
Separation Anxiety
Every few weeks Mr H has to provide on call cover, and that week he has to work on the Saturday in the office. I hate that week. I miss him. I feel lost. I’m without focus and I get anxious. The level of separation anxiety I am experiencing is not particularly healthy, and when I’m anxious, I eat. This anxiety is in direct contradiction to the general improvement I have felt in my mood, that I wrote about here. This week I decided to …
Serenity in submission
I used to be quite an anxious person and although I do not mean to suggest I am ‘cured’ because I doubt very much that I ever will be, my anxiety has reduced. I believe this is due to the introduction of dominance and submission to my life. When I am with Mr H, I am calm, he is in charge and this seems to be the key to keeping my anxiety under control. Letting go of the need to be in charge and micromanage …