Feeling disconnected

There are times when I feel like I ‘need’ Mr H to push me into feeling submissive. This usually coincides with times when our bedroom play has been limited. I lose the close connection to Mr H, instead I feel distant and disconnected as if I am protecting myself from a perceived or expected hurt.


Our children are not children anymore at 24 and 19 (sorry for those followers who already know that) and Mr H and I have no intention of them being aware of our D/s relationship, or the BDSM elements that we experiment with and/or enjoy.

That means that when they are at home and awake our play can be severely restricted. Recently our 19 year old “heard” Mr H spanking me, and he came out of his bedroom to ask if the sounds were coming from our room.

MrH is planning to start exploring rope bondage but doesn’t want to have the situation occur where the kids want our attention and I’m in odd positions. I guess if he’s able to lie me down and put the quilt over me it may look like I am just in bed, but these interruptions do spoil the mood.


So for the last week Mr H hasn’t played with me. What? Just a week I hear you say? Get back to me when he’s been away for months!!! Suck it up. I’m feeling – disconnected. Not necessarily from Mr H, because we still snuggle and do our daily rituals, more from my submissive mental state.

When Mr H plays with me, I float away from my body and lose myself in him. I’m his, that’s all I know, I’ll be and do whatever he asks of me, as long as I can keep floating. Having not had that for the last week – I just don’t feel quite right.


I don’t know. I’ve read about feeding submission, but how? Being new to this I’m floundering, and I’ve discussed it with Mr H his morning and asked him if he can think of anything to help me. I don’t know what he may come up with or even if he fully knows what I am feeling to be able to help.

So I’m asking my followers:

  • Subs: have you felt this and how do you deal with it?
  • Dominants: have you seen your subs experience this and how did you deal with it?

Leave your suggestions in the comments boxes or links to posts you think might help.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  


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  1. Hi SwG. This might help you: https://fcsyblog.wordpress.com/2017/10/13/thoughts-on-sub-frenzy/

    I get blocked as well. I end up having to use fantasy as a means to try to trigger myself.

    I also think there is another mental space you have not reached yet. You often describe it as “floating away,” but there are other spaces that make you feel bonded to him and overflowing with love. When you fantasize about things, what sort of feelings do you have?

  2. I think it you are having submissive mental space chemical withdrawls. Most subs will go through this when life gets in the way and blocks the type of dynamics you want to have. You aren’t alone.

    What I do with fantasy is to try and envision a prolonged state of submission: one where the chemical flow is prolonged. It is often hard for newer dominants to understand the scope of things and how to use protocols to keep you in mental space. Writing and sharing a fantasy can go a long ways in providing them a road map on how your mind reacts to things. Right now you are wanting your submission to react to dominance.

    I wrote a non-sexual fantasy here as an example if you want to give it a read: https://fursissy.wordpress.com/femdom-erotica/breakfast-short-story/

    You could try envisioning your own version.

    Take care.

  3. Something I will add is that you shouldn’t feel bad for needing dominance. There is, however, a balance of doing as much self-management as you can in order to be in a position where the dominance you do/can receive is “enough” or close to enough to keep the aches away.

    Doing the parts that you can so that the “burden” is minimized helps a lot with avoiding negative thought loops. There is a difference between accepting that you have needs and being needy 🙂
    For now it is a matter of finding a balance and communicating what needs you have that can be reasonably met.

    Take care.

  4. Also, feel free to email me if you would like additional ideas.

  5. That is good. Hopefully it will happen enough to keep the aches away. You still might find it useful to write your own version of the breakfast fantasy 🙂

  6. Hi Sweetgirl
    Furcissy has many good ideas. Here are things I find useful: saying my mantra, being told what to do/wear/eat and when to do it. Being made to do anything. Sometimes my Queen will have me go commando. That and the wearing of the cage puts me in a submissive frame of mind. She will send me sexy texts and messages. She has snuck a pair of her panties into my things and later called me at work to tell me where they are and that I must put hem on. Inspections. Being refused the right to speak or to ask questions. Eating from the floor. Eating without utensils. Many of these things are done rarely though some are our go to things. Writing a daily journal that says how I feel, what I experience and any fantasies or dreams I have had. Next week I get the first tattoo I’ve ever had—at her command/request.

  7. It will be interesting. I think you will find a lot of ways that submission can be used in a more covert way. You may also find some ways to display submission that didn’t stand out to you before.

    Good luck.

  8. What makes the tattoo special is that it is her choice. I find that highly erotic.

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