Tell Me About: Discipline

The Oxford English Dictionary defines discipline as “the practice of training people to obey rules and orders and punishing them if they do not; the controlled behavior or situation that results from this training”. A few weeks ago we discussed punishment, but how does discipline fit into a D/s dynamic?

Setting the rules.

When we began our D/s journey I didn’t have any specific rules to follow. In fact when the first rule was created in was following a plea from myself to help me to change a bad habit that I had formed. Mr H obliged and I have been punished once for breaking this rule. It has never been broken a second time.

Mr H soon added his own rules, although some proved unsuitable and were removed, others are still in place, or were until my back became as debilitating as it currently is. I am still not allowed to purchase things without permission, but I am not expected to wear matching underwear – mainly because I rarely wear a bra! That very first rule, that I am not to go downstairs at night for food without asking permission remains staunchly in place.

Discipline and Me.

I’m the first to admit I lack self discipline. I have an impulsive nature and prior to the no purchasing rule I bought many things off ebay that I ‘liked’ but were really a waste of money. Mr H’s rule has meant this impulse has been curbed, and our bank account is better for it! I am more likely to follow rules set by Mr H because I do not wish to put him in the position of having to dish out a punishment. He does not like to do this.

I struggle to eat healthy food choices because I use food as a comfort blanket. The current lockdown has restricted access to many foods, but I have reverted to comfort eating as a way of lifting my mood and managing the side effects of my medications.

In the beginning and even now to some extent, I would fantasise about Mr H keeping me on a tight leash. Issuing commands for me to follow, when to sit and stand, when to please him and when I would be used by him.

Mr H had a different vision, and that is our reality. He does not wish to micromanage me, or issue orders all the time. He values our equality in the marriage and as he puts it, “I have no desire to treat you like a toddler. You are my wife first and foremost, I don’t want to have to tell you off like a naughty child.” I can’t do anything that would make him unhappy and so I follow the rules that I know he cares about and don’t complain about the rules that have been relaxed.

Where my new discipline shows most is in my interactions with Mr H. I question and challenge him and his decisions less, which means I treat him with more respect that I used to. When we go somewhere in the car I hardly ever challenge the route he chooses now. Yes, I know hardly ever isn’t the same as never – but I am a work in progress after all.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  


This post was inspired by Tell Me About Discipline #35 ‘Discipline’, click HERE to read more posts inspired by the topic.

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  1. I understand MrH’s view on treating your partner like a toddler, especially as I have real life toddlers in the house. You are right that the dynamic has to be what works for both of you.

    1. Yep ☺☺

  2. Challenging and questioning shouldn’t be an issue, but maybe the way it’s done is….?
    I often challenge and push Mister K, not to goad him but to help him learn or to see a new point of view. I use “I” terms instead of you and ask things as questions.
    It took work as I was used to being an authoritarian, but is second nature now 🙂
    Thanks for sharing.

    1. I’m a “why are you going that way? I’d have gone …” challenging that simple ability to decide how to get us to the shops. That’s the kind of thing I mean. X it’s not learning it’s just trying to be controlling!

  3. Do you feel that Mr H not keeping you on a tight leash, helps a bit with self-discipline? I’m not the greatest when it comes to self-discipline either, but the fact that Sir doesn’t have time to make sure I follow a set of rules, sort forces me to be a bit more disciplined.

    1. No mostly it makes me worse lol more if he’s not bothered I dont need to be I’m really bad at self discipline especially when my mood is low .. but that’s another story

      Thanks for commenting

  4. I think that the not micromanaging is true for us also. I feel that we find the levels of discipline that can work within the structure of the lifestyle we have. Great post sweet

    1. Thank you

  5. The thought of micromanaging missy would be a full time job. She is so busy that her schedule alone would fry my brain! I think as someone else has pointed out, it’s not the challenge, it’s the tone!

    1. Lol

  6. My Queen doesn’t want to be a mommy to me either. She struggles with disciplining me sometimes because she feels like a bitch or nag. But we’re getting there!

    1. Cool, I guess lol

  7. I could do with a rule of not being allowed to go downstairs for food in the evening without permission! It’s interesting to read how you started and changed stuff along the way!

    1. I think you have to be flexible ML and evolve and change with need and circumstances

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