The Oxford English Dictionary defines discipline as “the practice of training people to obey rules and orders and punishing them if they do not; the controlled behavior or situation that results from this training”. A few weeks ago we discussed punishment, but how does discipline fit into a D/s dynamic?
Setting the rules.
When we began our D/s journey I didn’t have any specific rules to follow. In fact when the first rule was created in was following a plea from myself to help me to change a bad habit that I had formed. Mr H obliged and I have been punished once for breaking this rule. It has never been broken a second time.
Mr H soon added his own rules, although some proved unsuitable and were removed, others are still in place, or were until my back became as debilitating as it currently is. I am still not allowed to purchase things without permission, but I am not expected to wear matching underwear – mainly because I rarely wear a bra! That very first rule, that I am not to go downstairs at night for food without asking permission remains staunchly in place.
Discipline and Me.
I’m the first to admit I lack self discipline. I have an impulsive nature and prior to the no purchasing rule I bought many things off ebay that I ‘liked’ but were really a waste of money. Mr H’s rule has meant this impulse has been curbed, and our bank account is better for it! I am more likely to follow rules set by Mr H because I do not wish to put him in the position of having to dish out a punishment. He does not like to do this.
I struggle to eat healthy food choices because I use food as a comfort blanket. The current lockdown has restricted access to many foods, but I have reverted to comfort eating as a way of lifting my mood and managing the side effects of my medications.
In the beginning and even now to some extent, I would fantasise about Mr H keeping me on a tight leash. Issuing commands for me to follow, when to sit and stand, when to please him and when I would be used by him.
Mr H had a different vision, and that is our reality. He does not wish to micromanage me, or issue orders all the time. He values our equality in the marriage and as he puts it, “I have no desire to treat you like a toddler. You are my wife first and foremost, I don’t want to have to tell you off like a naughty child.” I can’t do anything that would make him unhappy and so I follow the rules that I know he cares about and don’t complain about the rules that have been relaxed.
Where my new discipline shows most is in my interactions with Mr H. I question and challenge him and his decisions less, which means I treat him with more respect that I used to. When we go somewhere in the car I hardly ever challenge the route he chooses now. Yes, I know hardly ever isn’t the same as never – but I am a work in progress after all.
This post was inspired by Tell Me About Discipline #35 ‘Discipline’, click HERE to read more posts inspired by the topic.