Since we began our D/s journey Mr H and I have made some amazing friends. We have met some in real life, some we will likely never meet due to the logistics (they live abroad), and some, who we hope to meet at next years Eroticon.
I think, like most we initially chatted to people online. Mr H chose communities for us to join, Fetlife was the first he asked me about.
Let me explain.
I suggested adding BDSM to our relationship and then I let him run with it. I did not do any research. Well very little. I didn’t want to get too hopeful that it would become a reality. One lunchtime he sent me a message saying he thought we should join Fetlife. I quickly looked it up on Google and joined, sending Mr H the details.
I didn’t know at the time, but this was a test. Mr H wanted to see how serious I was. Clearly I passed. Our account on there is joint, and at any time either of us might post or comment. As a rule we sign the posts so that our followers can identify who’d posted. We thought we might find some friends to talk to, and we did, in a way.
We were contacted by a few people, some welcoming us and some that offered advice. One couple we chatted to for a little while on Fet before moving to Facebook where our chat continued. I thought it might develop and we would be friends. We did meet up twice. The first time at a stately home (public venue) where we walked round the house and gardens chatting. The second they suggested we go out for a meal and so we went down. The meal didn’t go well. We got the impression that, despite us making it clear from the outset that we did not want friends to play with, this was their ultimate goal. We didn’t have much to talk about and afterwards we decided not to continue the acquaintance.
Mr H found an online community aimed at Married couples, based in America called SubMrs and HusDom. We created our respective profiles and I read many, many articles. I found some of them useful but I also found some of them uncomfortable. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but as time went on I realised that their seemed go be an agenda to the posts. There was a lot of advice offered and the feeling was that if you weren’t following the advice you weren’t doing it properly.
I don’t quite know how Mr H came across The Safewords Club. We joined initially with a joint profile, but when we started chatting we realised we needed separate accounts. I don’t know the exact date we joined but we are still members today. I join the chats as often as we are able to, which are like online munches, and always interesting. I feel accepted and welcome there and also that I have become friends with a few regular attendees. Mr H doesn’t join in as much as he once did, but I think much of that is because he doesn’t feel he has anything to contribute. I disagree with him, but that is his choice. He does pop in an read the chats, he just doesn’t tend to join in.
I also have a twitter profile. Now I have had some messages from Doms who haven’t sought Mr H’s permission and these are ignored. Mr H usually responds to these requests and politely declines, he says anything you want to say you can say publically. If it’s not suitable to be shared publically then it’s not suitable communication. My personal favourite was a message from a Dom asking permission to sext me and bring me “to orgasm”. Again Mr H politely declined.
My first real D/s friendship was cultivated my Mr H who told me about a Domme who was looking for models to assist her with a project (she wanted to make some corsets for an exhibition). He said if I was interested in doing it I should message her. Of course I was interested, I LOVE corsets, so I reached out.
Lady Chamoix and I met a few times in the next few months, and I asked her to make me a corset, which she did. She is an amazing woman, and she was so open and willing to answer questions. We talked about the munches at the club near her, which we now go to, and I still value her friendship to this day.
I then brought up the idea of going to the club, and Mr H confessed this had been his intention in suggesting I contact her, that I would be able to get answers to any questions I might have about going. He’s a sneaky bugger some times!
Going to the munches meant we have met a few other people and we enjoy going on these nights out.
A real life interaction that I can’t wait to repeat comes from our trip to Scotland last year when Hislordship and SubMissy invited us to stay with them for a few days. We had a brilliant stay, and they are as amazing in person as they are online.
I think that the BDSM community as a whole is extremely inclusive and friendly, that isn’t to say that there aren’t some total arseholes too. Mr H had an early interaction with a Dom who said I shouldn’t expect other Doms to treat me with respect, and that I would need to be submissive to the Doms who spoke to me online. Mr H was not happy with this concept advising the man in question that I was submissive to him and no-one else. Needless to say that particular community was not one Mr H asked me to join and he left shortly after that interaction.
After I joined Twitter I had contact from some people that I wished I hadn’t. I haven’t been sent any dick pics (thank goodness) but despite my profile information asking that people do not DM me without permission from Mr H I do still get some messages. As per Mr H’s instructions these are always deleted without a response. Mostly though, the interactions are always respectful and positive.
On the whole I am glad that I am part of this colourful community and that it has introduced me to some fabulous people.
This post is linked to Tell Me About #15 ‘FrienD/s’, click HERE for more posts inspired by the topic.