I wouldn’t say I really considered myself submissive until recently, rather the opposite, but all that changed when we began our D/s journey. In public I appeared to be more dominant than anything else. I made the decisions in our lives and Mr H would follow along.
Submissive to Mr H.
When we began our D/s lifestyle, I had no idea where it would take us. We didn’t know what to expect and there was a lot of learning to do, but, one thing I was certain about from the start was that I was not submissive to anyone but Mr H. Being submissive does not come easily all the time, and I do have to remind myself “not” to try and take control. I do not always succeed.
As time went on I discovered I felt a release when I relinquished control to Mr H, my body would relax, my mind would follow. I found I liked the way being submissive made me feel and I wanted more.
When did you know?
Once Mr H took control of our sexual activities, I knew I needed it. It turns me on more than anything else. So, to answer the prompt question, I only knew I was submissive when we started it, and we do live the dynamic all the time, but I think that how D/s works for us may, can and will look different to anyone else’s.
Our lifestyle is not obvious; I don’t have to ask permission to sit down, I don’t serve him drinks, fetch his slippers, or kneel at his feet. Early on I wondered if this made our dynamic somehow less “real”, which of course is utter nonsense. We have rituals, routines, and rules which help to remind us of our dynamic and reinforce our roles as Dominant and submissive, but these are what we have found work for us and have developed over time.
The more we practiced our dynamic the more I wanted it, and I would have moments of panic where I worried Mr H would want it to end, you know, because I was so needy and wanton. Thankfully he didn’t. I like to think he enjoys having more say in the day to day running of our lives and it has certainly improved our communication skills and understanding. And, then there is the sex…
If he places his hand firmly on me, my body responds. It can be my shoulder, my hand, my leg, doesn’t matter, knowing he is there and in control makes my submissive heart sing and my pussy wet. That said, I don’t feel submissive all the time. It ebbs and flows as does life. The last couple of years have been tough, the changes to our lives with my back and the chronic pain has left its mark, but we are slowly coming out of it.
This post is linked to Tell Me about… Submissive Reflection #1 “Submissive Feelings”.