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On Everyday Life

hospital appointment

My hospital appointment was cancelled. Now what?

Yes, you read that right, my hospital appointment has been cancelled. It’s not like I haven’t been expecting it. I always plan for the worst; I’d rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed, but I guess the closer it got, the more I began to hope. The last few days my mobile has received calls from a ‘private’ number but on answering it has disconnected. This is unfortunately not uncommon as the signal in our home is shocking, even using wifi calling. When I finally got a connection, it was the hospital. Clinic’s are being cancelled. Thank you Covid! Cancelled Hospital

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naked liberty boobs

How to Find Liberty: Being Emotionally Naked

For many years I was ashamed of my body. I avoided mirrors, and was convinced my husband found me unattractive. Diets never stuck – or should I say I never stuck with diets – and for every bit of weight I lost I gained double within a few months. It took me a long time to realise that the reason for the weight gain was emotional not physical. Yes I ate too much or ate the wrong foods in excess, but because I hid myself emotionally, I ate. I ate to cover my feelings. It wasn’t until I stopped and

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Hope is a waste of time.

“You only have one chance to make a good impression,” is something that my parents drummed into me my whole childhood, and they were damn good at putting on a show that meant people never saw the real home I lived in.  I knew from an early age that nothing I did was good enough, I was a girl, a split arse, useless, a disappointment.  I have tried so hard to redefine myself as an adult especially after my breakdown in 2005, but recent events on twitter have shaken me back to that person who knows with absolute certainty that

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Seven Days in April – Day Five

I have spoken a few times about how I have a tendency to overthink things and how this affects my mental health.  The lockdown has I think, had a bad effect on many people judging from some of the comments on twitter and facebook from people who are struggling with feelings of isolation and boredom.  I have a theory that having things to do, to occupy your mind is essential to maintaining a stable mental state.  I know it doesn’t do for me to be ‘in my own head’ for too long.   I have also shared what depression means

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I love being a girl.

I love being a girl, I’ve never wanted to be anything else and I know that makes me lucky.  I have never known the emotional struggle of not feeling comfortable in my own body, of having to make others understand that my gender identity is not the one I was assigned at birth.  I know nothing of it.  How could I?  It’s not something I have experienced.  My brother is gay and our parents were extremely and openly homophobic. We hated it, but given my stepfathers abuse it wasn’t easy to speak out when I lived at home.  After I

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Fictional Books and Me

I love to read fiction. As a teenager I would escape into a book and hide away from my life. When I read a book that really grabs my attention, the world melts away, I become so absorbed in the story that I have absolutely no idea what is going on around me, I do not hear people speaking and I completely lose track of time. For study purposes this is extremely useful but it has been quite some time since I found a book that grabbed my attention so completely. In fact the last book to do so was

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Light Support.

I have now spent 9 weeks pretty much lying in bed and my usual underwired bras are not practical wear.  I prefer to go braless as much as I can, for as much as I love the appearance of a bra and the silhouette and cleavage they provide, there is nothing so comfortable as taking them off!  Having said that, while my boobs can hold their own when I am sat or stood, once i am lied down they do tend to wander off, and I decided to purchase some light support bralettes to wear under my pyjamas.  Cross your

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Lean on Me.

Codependency is often seen as a negative thing, where one person enables another to bad behaviour or habits, and there is definitely evidence to support this. But I believe that it is possible for codependence to be something positive too. There is a tendency to take a word and give it just one meaning, to reject any other interpretation in favour of it. Submissy has written a brilliant post on how to spot the things that would mean your relationship is unhealthy, and I urge you to read it. My focus today is on how I believe that within a

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What’s in the package?

That is what the lady behind the post office counter asked Mr H yesterday when he went to post a package to Submissy for me. Now, for those of you in the UK this is a relatively new thing that the post office does. They ask what is in the parcel as they will not allow some items to go through the general mail system. The parcel contained a sex toy. Mr H when put on the spot did not know what to say and so he said he did not know. As a result he could not send it.

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cancelling plans

Cancelling Plans: The Truth about Chronic Pain.

This isn’t the first time I have spoken about cancelling plans, and how living with chronic pain means we cancel a lot. Holidays, weekend trips, meals out. You name it, we have cancelled it. Why? My back. last year we booked tickets for Eroticon, determined to go. Mr H is not exactly comfortable with large groups and I know he is of the take it or leave it camp when it comes to things like Eroticon; but because he knows I want to go, to meet people I chat with online and to listen to the various speakers, he is

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