During a light hearted online group discussion yesterday I typed ‘rolls eyes’ in response to a comment by one of the Dom’s (who from here on I will refer to as MrX because using Dom all the time reads quite aggressively). Now MrX is aware that Mr H has forbidden eye rolling at him, as it is disrespectful. MrX commented that he would inform Mr H of my eye rolling.
Before I go any further [insert Meatloaf song 😂 ] I want to make it clear that I respect MrX and any other persons who I interact with online and I am in no way complaining about his comment. Our conversation was lighthearted and I look forward to many more conversations in the future.
Maintaining my personality.
I replied that he could tell Mr H if he wanted, I was only forbidden to eye roll at Mr H. MrX then asked ‘so Mr H is ok with you being disrespectful to other people just not him?’ And I replied ‘yep’. MrX expressed the opinion that Mr H did not run a very tight ship because he allows this behaviour.
The exchange got me thinking, and I know Mr H considered posting a reply to address this but the conversation moved on to other things.
I’m a very playful person and banter, eye-rolling, joking and sarcasm is part and parcel of my personality. I know MrH doesn’t want to change me – he loves the person I am – but he loves the fact that I am submissive to his demands. That I will temper my behaviour as he asks me to, that I will submit and defer to his leadership in a way I will not to anyone else.
Does my personality make me a disrespectful sub?
Having said that, MrX’s comments have brought to the fore one of my concerns for immersion into the community. MrH is planning for us to go to a local club and I worry that I will get us both into trouble by being seen as disrespectful in the way I converse with other Dominants.
MrH maintains that providing I am doing as he asks it will be fine. That if someone has a problem he will explain that I submit to him and no one else and therefore he has no problem with me talking to others and having a laugh.
I hope that MrX reads this and understands… my eye rolling is just part of who I am, and that I meant no disrespect. MrH’s ship is sailed as he commands 😊
Sweetgirl x
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Thank you for writing this! i have noticed at times that there is a sort of expectation coming from other Doms that they receive respect and at times even submission from subs that are not theirs to command. It disturbs me- i answer only to the orders that my Daddy gives me. i don’t know if its intended to be received that way, but it certainly rubs me the wrong way! i think you were brave to post this! Just because we are submissives, doesnt mean we should be bland and obedient all the time!
That’s exactly how I feel slars, I give my submission to one man not all men. I’m sure male subs feel the same way, so I don’t think it’s gender specific..
I suppose if you’re not in a relationship and have not committed to one Dominant, or are a play submissive (and therefore go to clubs to play with any Dominant) then perhaps that would be different.
But for me, I give my submission to MrH… I treat everyone else with the same respect and cordiality as I alway have.
The gist of it and how it pertains to events and the like:
In general, you are submissive to your dominant. You may also be submissive/respectful to people that your dominant defines for you. Aside from that, there is no rule stating you have to be submissive to anyone else.
However, the balancing point is that your behavior will reflect upon your dominant. Some dominants want their subs to appear perfectly behaved at all times. Others like their sub to show their personality. In either case, most dominants also prefer their subs to stand up for themselves when encountering another dominant. The case you wrote about was joking, but if you attend local events there may be times where you are forced to do this for real.
As for local scenes, there is sort of a “do as the Romans” view. Generally gatherings at vanilla venues will not require any formal protocols. Kink/fetish events may wish to provide a fantasy environment where they want everyone to obey protocols to keep it “feeling real.”
Overall I wouldn’t worry about it too much and use your judgment. Just because someone is a dom doesn’t make them your dom.
I’ve had the issue with people online expecting me to submit to them because I am submissive, and it doesn’t work that way. Similar situation: one treats one’s Dominant with the deference due to him/her because of their roles, but one treats other Doms with respect due any other regular person. Until such time that the respect is no longer warranted (I’ve had interactions with “doms” who are basically domineering assholes…they get no respect).
I haven’t been to any clubs or parties or munches yet, but I plan to attend in the future. I’m a brat and like to tease (which HD loves about me), so I am sure there will be some people who won’t take well to my expression of personality. I can say now that while I will be polite and respectful, I won’t be submissive or deferential to anyone other than HD. No one else is my Dom, no one else is my partner, and no one else gets that from me. I don’t care what others expect. If they don’t like it, they can take it up with HD and he will tell them the same thing: I am his. I submit to him. What he allows or doesn’t is at his discretion.