On Chronic Pain and Disability,On Everyday Life,Wicked Wednesday

Reflecting on 2020: Covid 19, Chronic Pain and Isolation.

What a year 2020 has been. I don’t think anyone’s world is unchanged. So many have lost loved ones, whether that be from covid 19, or not, and so much loneliness caused by isolation either from fear of infection or from the national and regional lockdowns, 2020 has been a year of desperation and uncertainty for us all.

Covid 19

The emergence of Covid 19 in March as a Worldwide pandemic affected my household very little. Mr. H and I were already unable to go out because of my pain, and our son went out rarely. For the most part my chronic pain has had the biggest impact on our lives, and continues to be the biggest issue.

I do think that if we all wore masks and immediately following being out of the house put our clothes in the wash and showered, the inter family transmission rate of Covid 19 could be reduced. I also think masks should be worn outdoors all the time and not just in shops. But these are just my thoughts.

My biggest fear with the Covid 19 pandemic is that Mr. H should catch it. Without him I would need careers to help me dress and shower. I feel bad enough that Mr. H has to help me with these things, but if I were unable to care for him in return while he was sick would make me feel worse. To that end Mr. H now works from home in order to try and reduce his potential exposure.

Chronic Pain

For Mr. H and myself this year has been a battle to obtain treatment. A battle, that has culminated with the issuing of a formal complaint regarding the lack of communication against the consultant (surgeon) that I started seeing towards the end of 2019.

The bilateral sciatic pain which worsened in March 2019 has remained, and has been joined by two new pains. One caused by the PIP assessment medical and the other following one of the spinal nerve blocks.

This increased and for the most part uncontrolled pain has all but killed all kinky fun. Mr. H is frightened of making things worse and so not only has our kink come to a screeching halt but our intimate sexual relationship has become very intermittent too. Of course I understand hs decision making and understand his reasoning – but I also miss it a lot.

The loss of this side of our relationship has caused me to withdraw from the kink community as a whole, I find reading other peoples adventures greatens my feelings of loss and so to minimise that I stopped reading them.

Of course that has also meant people withdraw from me. Only one or two people have reached out to talk, and I am grateful to those who do so. It’s nice to feel that I am valued for more than what I can give.


So many people are complaining that they feel isolated and lonely. I feel so sorry for them especially if they have been unable to form a support bubble, and the residents of care homes that have not seen loved ones this year. My heart breaks for them all but I do agree with the latest decision to cancel the 5 day reprieve. I mean what would you rather? Miss someone for a short while longer or miss them forever? How would it feel to know that you visited an elderly or vulnerable loved one and they later contracted Covid 19 from you? Heaven forbid they passed on from the disease, I can’t imagine carrying that guilt around, can you?

Moving Forward.

The approval of the vaccine is a lifeline too. Hopefully as more and more are approved and vaccinated the pandemic will be controlled and life will return to a new version of normal. I only hope and pray that the world we emerge into will be one full of love, kindness and respect. I hope we continue to work on bringing equality to everyone, to stamp out racism, bigotry and hate.

So with that thought I wish each and everyone of you the very best holiday period you can manage. Socialise responsibly and safely. Take care of yourselves and your loved ones, and I hope 2021 bring new hope for us all.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  


  • four boxes near lighted string lights

I have linked this post to Wicked Wednesday #447, ‘Christmas’ and encourage you to go there to see the other excellent posts linked.

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  1. I’ve not forgotten you, Sweet. I’m sorry your situation hasn’t improved. Despite everything, I wish you and your family happy holidays 🙂

    1. Thank you Liz x

  2. I echo what Liz says, you are definitely not forgotten, and to be honest, I miss your posts, but I also understand that you have withdrawn. I really feel that the consultant hadn’t listened to you, and am sad that you are the one who has to suffer because of it. I hope 2021 will be the year in which they find a solution for you, and you can have a better quality of life, Sweet.
    Take care, and despite everything, I wish you wonderful festive days.
    ~ Marie xox
    Marie Rebelle recently posted…Blurred body partsMy Profile

    1. Thank you Marie x

  3. slave sindee says:

    echoing our friends (LIz & Marie)
    best wishes for a better 2021 and Great Holidays

    1. Thank you Sindee x

  4. Glad to read your post, even though it is filled with sad thoughts and pain. Try not to be discouraged and write sometimes whenever possible. About anything. I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and wish you well.

    1. Thank you Mary

  5. I have not forgotten you Sweet. You may not write so much but I know you are there. You have written so many brilliant posts it’s always good to re-read them. I haven’t been much of a writer this year as I spend more time with my camera but I have managed to write a story for this Wicked Wednesday. It’s impossible to imagine the pain you are suffering. It really saddens me to think of you being so debilitated. You are a wonderful person and I hope that next year life improves for you. I hope you and your family have a happy Christmas. Cousin Pons xx
    Cousin Pons recently posted…Banquo’s GhostMy Profile

    1. Thank you Cousin Pons x

  6. I wish you and MrH well for Christmas and hope that 2021 can bring some relief from pain.


    1. Thank you

  7. I am so sorry to hear you have still not had the surgical help you were promised over a year ago. That consultant deserves that complaint and more. Despite everything, I wish you the best!

    1. Thank you Michael same to you

  8. Well wishes, concern and love to you SweetGirl. Your output is missed as are your friendly and supportive tweets that once pepppered t’internet. But given your dilemma it is understandable. Hoping for great improvements very soon so that you can come back to us, not as you were, but free from pain.
    Posy Churchgate recently posted…A Kink-Mas Carol [5]My Profile

    1. Thank you

  9. It’s so good to hear from you, although I’m sorry that it’s been such a rough year. I remember receiving your present, it got me so excited about 2020, how it was going to change my life. It did, and despite all the downsides, it gave me something I will always cherish. I’ll always be thinking of you. xoxo

    1. Thank you x I think about you and how you and your little baby are doing. I hope you are doing well, and staying safe.

  10. I surely hope you are better now, the covid hit was a big blow on us all

    But we will turn out better and stronger


    1. Things are no different, and I think I am going to have to stop looking at the situation as temporary. But we will get on with it and live the best lives we can

  11. […] those behaviours stopped, some because of the pain, some because of the lockdown and not having any alone time, my mental ability to fully engage in sex diminished. I still wanted […]

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