On Everyday Life,On Exploring Kink

Is Now a Good Time to Talk?

Well apparently, half past six (in the morning) is not a good time to talk but that is what happened. It all started innocent enough, I was telling Mr H about the chat on The Safewords Club the night before (it was about feeling submissive) and as I went through the various discussions we ended up taking about our situation too.

What situation?

The last few months our D/s has floundered a little. Or more to the point we are struggling to get back our D/s dynamic back on track. Mr H has told me that he is finding it difficult to get into a dominant headspace. Having seen me living and struggling in pain for the last two years he can’t stop himself from worrying if the cost of play will outweigh the fun. As he put it, “is it worth three days recovering just so I can get my rocks off?”

Hell YES!

Now I admit I got a little squidgy at the idea of him getting his rocks off! But, I do have to be sensitive to his worries and at the same time point out the flaw in his logic. There is no saying play will cause any recovery time, and as a rule play is beneficial.

The benefits of talking

So, I asked Mr H to consider a different perspective. Play as pain relief. Now, bear with me, it will make sense I promise. Play here is being used to describe a number of activities. There’s sex (obviously) but also impact sessions and the Dominant/submissive behaviours that get sprinkled into a normal day.

When our D/s was working well, I felt calmer, and more relaxed. After play I slept better and this helped me to cope with the pain. There is you see an argument for play to help me manage pain.

Catch 22.

Unfortunately, sex, for me, starts in my head. I really enjoyed the dominant behaviours that Mr H employed. Being held tight, being pulled to him, his hand holding my neck and angling my head for him to kiss me – all these things trigger a response in me, I’m always immediately aroused and whatever thoughts were in my head vanish. The world vanishes and there is just us, and I am his.

As those behaviours stopped, some because of the pain, some because of the lockdown and not having any alone time, my mental ability to fully engage in sex diminished. I still wanted to but when we did I would not climax. When the impact toys are out I don’t relax into it the way I used to. This is partly because my response has changed. I don’t feel them the same and there are some areas where I have reduced sensation. Mostly though, it’s because I don’t feel submissive. I even changed the name on this blog for a short time to “a not so submissive wife”.

With Mr H not feeling his dominant self, I stop responding as a submissive. I become argumentative. In turn this further affects Mr H because he would think “what’s the point”.

We’re in a catch 22. He doesn’t feel dominant so I don’t act submissive, which in turn pushes him further from his domly self.

I love you but..

Mr H called a halt to the chat because he wanted to drink his coffee, wake up properly and get ready for work.

But there was still a lot I wanted to talk about.

It’s good to talk.

Now all this happened on Monday morning, Mr H headed to worked and I followed my daily routine of sewing and resting in timed intervals (part of my physio). All very normal. Until we went to go to sleep at ten pm. Mr H leaned over to kiss me goodnight (normal) but instead he placed his hand firmly over my throat and applied just enough pressure that I couldn’t move. He growled in my ear “you are mine” and my whole body melted like chocolate in the sun.

When my brain restarted my pussy was throbbing and wet, and my imagination was running riot. In fact it ran riot all night and I barely slept. In all though I was definitely thinking that BT had it right.. it is good to talk!

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  


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  1. ‘my pussy was throbbing and wet’………….such a filthy thought 😉

  2. I so get you on this, Sweet… “He doesn’t feel dominant so I don’t act submissive”
    D/s is a far from our bed show at this moment, and where we both know it’s not entirely gone, neither of us have the energy or the mindset to get back to it. Maybe one day, but other things have priority now.
    ~ Marie xox

    1. When it’s right for you both and you want it to I’m sure you will be able to muster the wherewithal xx

  3. […] before I go on, I need to go back. If you read my last post you’ll know that Mr H had worked some Domly magic on me, and as a result I didn’t sleep […]

  4. […] been a long time coming, this post I mean. It started a few days ago with my post “Is now a good time to talk?”, and continued with “History is a great teacher: Remembering the good times”. I’m […]

  5. I can also be guilty of trying to talk at the wrong time but, like you, it can be bursting to get out. Missy x

    1. I know!!!! I mean I have to say it right then when I think it or….

      Darn it what was I Saying?….


      Oh that’s right, or I forget what I want to say!

      Sweetgirl xx

  6. We are in the same cycle too. But talking about it does bring out the D in my DaddyDom! I get the same reactions, he talks or does his D behaviors and I melt and get into the right head space!

    I hear you on the pain relief aspect! The spanker/slapper tapped all over my back, shoulders, and legs, brings a massage pain relief effect. As well as other activities takes my mind off my pain and his pain levels.

    Thank you for giving me a place to see that we are not alone in our situation.

    1. You’re very welcome. I’m glad you could relate. I think it’s very reassuring when we find others in similar situations to our own. Take care

  7. Le Loup says:

    Thank you for sharing this story. I relate so well to Mr H’s not feeling Dominant and the crazy cycle that ensues


    1. I hope you find your way back to it if that is what you want.

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