Well apparently, half past six (in the morning) is not a good time to talk but that is what happened. It all started innocent enough, I was telling Mr H about the chat on The Safewords Club the night before (it was about feeling submissive) and as I went through the various discussions we ended up taking about our situation too.
The last few months our D/s has floundered a little. Or more to the point we are struggling to get back our D/s dynamic back on track. Mr H has told me that he is finding it difficult to get into a dominant headspace. Having seen me living and struggling in pain for the last two years he can’t stop himself from worrying if the cost of play will outweigh the fun. As he put it, “is it worth three days recovering just so I can get my rocks off?”
Now I admit I got a little squidgy at the idea of him getting his rocks off! But, I do have to be sensitive to his worries and at the same time point out the flaw in his logic. There is no saying play will cause any recovery time, and as a rule play is beneficial.
The benefits of talking
So, I asked Mr H to consider a different perspective. Play as pain relief. Now, bear with me, it will make sense I promise. Play here is being used to describe a number of activities. There’s sex (obviously) but also impact sessions and the Dominant/submissive behaviours that get sprinkled into a normal day.
When our D/s was working well, I felt calmer, and more relaxed. After play I slept better and this helped me to cope with the pain. There is you see an argument for play to help me manage pain.
Unfortunately, sex, for me, starts in my head. I really enjoyed the dominant behaviours that Mr H employed. Being held tight, being pulled to him, his hand holding my neck and angling my head for him to kiss me – all these things trigger a response in me, I’m always immediately aroused and whatever thoughts were in my head vanish. The world vanishes and there is just us, and I am his.
As those behaviours stopped, some because of the pain, some because of the lockdown and not having any alone time, my mental ability to fully engage in sex diminished. I still wanted to but when we did I would not climax. When the impact toys are out I don’t relax into it the way I used to. This is partly because my response has changed. I don’t feel them the same and there are some areas where I have reduced sensation. Mostly though, it’s because I don’t feel submissive. I even changed the name on this blog for a short time to “a not so submissive wife”.
With Mr H not feeling his dominant self, I stop responding as a submissive. I become argumentative. In turn this further affects Mr H because he would think “what’s the point”.
We’re in a catch 22. He doesn’t feel dominant so I don’t act submissive, which in turn pushes him further from his domly self.
I love you but..
Mr H called a halt to the chat because he wanted to drink his coffee, wake up properly and get ready for work.
But there was still a lot I wanted to talk about.
It’s good to talk.
Now all this happened on Monday morning, Mr H headed to worked and I followed my daily routine of sewing and resting in timed intervals (part of my physio). All very normal. Until we went to go to sleep at ten pm. Mr H leaned over to kiss me goodnight (normal) but instead he placed his hand firmly over my throat and applied just enough pressure that I couldn’t move. He growled in my ear “you are mine” and my whole body melted like chocolate in the sun.
When my brain restarted my pussy was throbbing and wet, and my imagination was running riot. In fact it ran riot all night and I barely slept. In all though I was definitely thinking that BT had it right.. it is good to talk!