For over 22 years Mr H and I were a vanilla couple. Our sex life was lovely, sensual and tender. I would occasionally orgasm, although this was more often than not from masturbation. It didn’t bother me that I didn’t climax every time we made love, I thought this was the normal state of affairs. It was more important to me that Mr H loved me and stood with me. I took pleasure from knowing he enjoyed sex and that I could please him, it never occured to me that he would want that too. I found pleasure in other places of course, being a mother and watching my children grow and learn; especially seeing the men they have become.
Shy.
I don’t come across as a shy person but I am. I make myself small and insignificant, and try to go unnoticed. I didn’t think my pleasure was of that much importance, and I certainly didn’t want Mr H to feel inadequate because then he might leave me, so for years I faked orgasms. I denied myself years of orgasms because I was too shy to tell him what I wanted him to do.
Pleasure reimagined.
I never would have thought I was a sexual submissive, never mind a lifestyle submissive, and yet the changes in me, since that wonderful day in 2017 when I asked Mr H to consider becoming my Dominant, have been profound. Not only has my anxiety reduced, but I am happier and more content too.
The sexual repercussions of adding D/s into our relationship have been immense. I now climax almost every time we have sex, generally more than once. The times I don’t have been either deliberate on Mr H part, for example, when I am pleasuring Mr H, or Mr H has decided I am not going to. Both of these instances provide pleasure in their own way, by fueling my submissive mind set.
Subspace.
Impact play with the cane, flogger or a hand spank, has sent me deep into subspace many times. A place where the physical seems to disappear and I exist in a state of pure bliss. It’s a difficult thing to describe and I suspect it is different for everyone, but to me it feels like floating in a warm ocean, the waves rocking my body, surrounding me with warmth and making me weightless. Subspace of course is not without risk, and during this time, I am usually unable to communicate and Mr H has to be aware of my body responses to ensure I have not drifted away so far as to be unable to use my safewords if needed.
Orgasmic.
I have talked about orgasms in detail before and I do try not to repeat myself, (who wants to be bored with the same stuff over and over, right?) so, I will just briefly touch on it here. Since the start of our D/s journey the pleasure I have experienced whilst having sex, has been out of this world. I would not want to go back to the way it was before, I don’t think either myself of Mr H would want to settle for ‘nice’ again. Having said that, I also believe that pleasure does not have to be linked to sexual activity or an orgasm.
Simple Pleasure.
I get a great deal of pleasure from helping others achieve something. I love seeing other peoples reactions to gifts I give them, or things I have made for them. When I help someone who is struggling to learn a new skill or help them build confidence in themselves and their abilities, I feel joy in seeing them achieve, and knowing I have helped them in some way. The ability to share knowledge, to encourage others and support them is something I value a great deal.
I also find pleasure in listening to music and looking at works of art; I can spend hours in an art gallery looking at the paintings, the textures, the colours and the moods. Books also bring me pleasure, escaping into different worlds and era’s.
I do believe, no matter where you find pleasure in your life, you should treasure each experience, and aim to repeat it often because it is the pleasureable memories you want to be able to remember over and over again.
Sweetgirl x
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This post is linked to Tell Me About.. Pleasure #34, click HERE to see more posts inspired by the topic.
Ah I love art galleries or in my case museums. So sad that visiting is restrictive now. I totally get the bliss from impact play. It’s magical place when done right 🙂
It is ☺☺
I appreciate how you talk about the difficulty with reaching an orgasm. I think it’s something that many women struggle with and a lot of do have fake an orgasm as well. The fact that you were able to orgasm after your relationship included BDSM just goes to show how important mindset is. I know for myself, with my vanilla lover, I never orgasm, but I’m also constantly thinking about it so my performance becomes a distraction. With Sir, we may not be having sex, but he takes my mind somewhere else free of distraction and that’s where I experience bliss.
Sometimes the simplest of things give the biggest pleasure 🙂
~ Marie xox
Very true
Lovely post sweet. Nice to read how your relationship has developed in terms of pleasure.
Thank you
I like the way that you set your post out to show the progression and the ways that things have changed and developed. You are a kind and generous person and it is clear that it brings you pleasure to help others 🙂
Thank you x
Did you write a post on how you came to crave being a submissive? I’d be really interested in reading that! This is a little unrelated to this post but I love how on the outside you seem kind of innocent and just really sweet but then it sounds like you and Mr H have so much kinky fun and I love it!
I love your description of subspace. I can imagine and feel what you mean. And what you’re writing about getting a great deal of pleasure from helping others, that really fits with my impression of you and it’s so lovely to see. I think you’re right, we should try and treasure every pleasurable experience.
I’m not sure I have written about it, I think it was something I didn’t know I needed until we found it, but I definitely came to need it. I have written about feeling like an addict though, when it comes to him.
Really enjoyed reading this! Love the way you write x
Thank you