Reflecting….

MrH has been my Dominant for 9 months now and over the last few days I have been prompted to reflect on our journey by a few other blog posts. In short it’s been wonderful. Every area of our relationship has been touched by the D/s dynamic and made stronger, more passionate, more intimate and more loving.

I don’t want you to think that our relationship/marriage was in trouble, boring or lacking anything before we introduced D/s. It wasn’t. We loved each other and made love regularly. We had better than average communication. When I asked MrH to consider adding BDSM, it was curiosity, a desire to experience new things not because I believed our relationship to be lacking anything. Our foundations are solid, I mean we’ve been together 23 years (married for 18½) and I consider MrH to be my best friend.

As I look back now, I see so many positive changes in me and in our relationship. Some of these changes are in areas that I didn’t/couldn’t have anticipated.

I’ve posted before about how my submission has helped my anxiety, and it has, but in the first few weeks there was a period of great turmoil. The high of the D/s and the sexual charge during the initial ‘frenzy’ was difficult. I cried, I was needy and I was shaken, as my mindset changed from my default setting to the new submissive state. Once that adjustment settled so did the anxiety.

The many talks we had early on strengthened our relationship, our intimacy and connection. I’m still struggling to tell MrH the things I want him to do to me, I still feel embarrassed and a little ashamed of these desires..

The change in our physical relationship has probably been the most obvious. I don’t mean the sex. I mean physical. We cuddle more. We hold hands more. We kiss more. I enjoy this so much. I adore this new physical intimacy.

MrH seems so much more attentive to me and I feel unbelievably cared for. He expresses a level of possessiveness that turns me on no end, that I didn’t see before. Recently he pulled out the chair for me at the restaurant when we went for our evening meal (and again at breakfast), something he’s never done before, and I could have cried at this simple beautiful act. Everything in his behaviour tells me ‘I am his’.

And of course, the sex. Oh my word the sex!

I think it took a little time for MrH to feel comfortable using my body for his own pleasure without taking care of mine first. He’s always been an extremely sensitive and generous lover, and he still is. But with out discussions he’s accepted that I still get satisfaction from pleasing him. It feeds my submissive mental state to be used as his. He understands how I love when he cums in my mouth.

We have a number of impact toys, a cane, a paddle, a crop, a flogger and of course MrH’s hands. MrH enjoys using them and I enjoy receiving. MrH hasn’t yet pushed my boundaries with these, but I have come to understand that he is in control and he will do as he wants, when he wants to and not before.

We have a number of anal toys, dildos and vibrators. One of my favourite experiences so far was when MrH used the clone of his cock in my pussy, inserted an anal vibrator and then face fucked me. He said something like now I’ve filled every hole. I would like us to make another clone of his cock so that we could do this again and this time use the clones anally as well as vaginally. I would truly be filled with his cock (or it’s image) owned, claimed, possessed by MrH.

We have attended a munch and met some truly amazing people.

At some point MrH plans for us to go to a BDSM formal event. I’ve told him that I could see myself kneeling in front of him worshipping his cock, while at an event. The club has a play room with a swing and I would also like to play in this room with him. But these things are not up to me… And we will do what MrH wants.

In the early stages we made lists of what we wanted to try and what was off limits. The want to try list has grown… But our hard limits haven’t really. The exception being using a cane as initially I said no but after hearing other submissives talking about it I wanted to try it.

Our main hard limits are, scat, pee, blood, and other partners. I couldn’t bare the thought of MrH playing, touching, kissing, taking pleasure with/from someone else, or having someone touch me.

I am his – he is mine.

MrH has got into rope bondage, and I enjoy being tied. Recently we got a hook that can be used anally or vaginally and then attached to the rope. Every tug on the rope then moves the hook inside you. This was fabulous. I generally get very relaxed when MrH does the rope work and on two occasions now he has taken the rope play to sexual okay once I’ve been tied. Each time this has been a fantastic. The addition of sexual stimulation when I am completely under his control sends me straight into subspace. This can be bound spread eagle on the bed or with rope.

The other big change has been in my body confidence. The way I view my body has improved. Don’t get me wrong – I still see flaws – but I have come to believe that I my body is sexy and desirable. MrH has always told me this. But it’s like I doubted I was ‘enough’ that he would find someone ‘better’.

His passion for me, his erect cock, his words, his pride in showing me off as ‘his’ and his possessiveness have made me realize that he doesn’t want anyone else. That he will protect what’s his from unwanted attention reinforces this.

When we started this journey MrH did an extraordinary amount of research that I didn’t realize and you can read his account of our first six months by clicking this link. If you haven’t already read it, it’s well worth it.

In all, I couldn’t have foreseen what an extraordinary, incredible thing becoming my husband’s submissive would be or the amazing benefits, but I am so glad I found the courage to say, “I’d like you to do that to me.“