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Bloody Useless

This morning when I got up, I was so tired and in so much pain I cried.  Can you imagine that? You open your eyes and as soon as you move pain hits you. Chronic pain, the pain I have, is I think something very few people fully understand.

Understanding Chronic Pain.

“Have you taken some pain killers?” and “We all have back ache sometimes.”

Yes, I have actually heard these sentences.  My mum is one of the worst offenders.  She resides deep in the “pull yourself together and get on with it” camp.  She has no idea how hard I find it some days, to put one foot in front of the other.  I mean quite literally, each step hurts. I don’t have back ache. I have pain so excruciating, at times I can’t think. Chronic pain is essentially pain that lasts longer than 3 months; I am upto 11 years, on and off.

Simple movements are agony. Twist, pain. Bend, pain. Cough, pain. Sneeze, pain. Lift leg, pain. Go upstairs, pain. Sit, pain. Stand, pain. Walk, pain.

I’m sure you get the picture.

Frustration.

I’m frustrated.  I mean really frustrated.  Between my normal back pain and now this bilateral sciatic pain, my pain is up at an 8, (usually it’s about a 5 or 6).  It’s keeping me awake, and that means I’m tired.  When you add this physical exhaustion to the mental exhaustion from the stress at work, I’m worried I am heading back to a bad place.

This chart may help you to understand the way I measure the chronic pain I feel.

pain scale

I just want the pain to go away.  I want to sleep. Surely this isn’t too much to ask? Apparently it is.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  

 

To read more about my battle with chronic pain and depression click the links below:

11 thoughts on “Bloody Useless”

  1. I feel your frustration as well as the emotions from the pain. Pain meds only do so much and I hate relying on them. It’s just not that easy as taking a pill and many people don’t understand that. Mine is centralized in my S1 and some days I feel like I have a real tail lol. Sending you well wishes and love. Xo

    1. I feel for you… i have L5 down to S1… this bilateral pain has been a new addition, since March this year, but it seems to be getting worse every day.. or maybe I’m just so darn tired and stressed I can’t cope with it.

      I hope yours isn’t too bad at the moment ❤

  2. I’m sorry it hurts so much and understand some how wearing it is. I have scarred shoulder cartridge from a full SLAP tear and whilst it’s nowhere near your level of pain I can relate to the sensation of nagging pain in the background. I really hope they can ease it soon for you x

  3. Pingback: Well that was fun ⋆ A Submissive Wife ⋆ bilateral sciatic pain

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