I am not a fan of secrets. I don’t like having to censor myself or think before I speak. Our D/s isn’t common knowledge and so when I am among the people who do not know, I have to be cautious. Sometimes I find it hard to keep it secret, sometimes I don’t want to, but I do because I know MrH wants it to remain private.
At heart I prefer being honest, I dislike duplicity. I’d rather not know something if I can’t share it which means I find it hard to be around people who don’t ‘know’ about our D/s because it reminds me of all the years I spent pretending to be a ‘shiny happy’ person.
Secrets ruin friendships
Many years ago a friend (we will call her F) told me that the boyfriend (J) of another friend (G) had come to her house late one night and made a pass at her. F sent him packing with a flea in his ear, reminding him that G was pregnant with his baby and he needed to get his act together.
I felt that G should be told. In the end I told another girl who was best friends with G and she agreed with me. We told her and she confronted F saying that J had told her his side and she wanted to hear her her side. F figured out that I had told her not J and our friendship ended. As we worked together our working relationship became strained too, and our boss, when she heard the story said F should have known how I would react as I have pretty strong opinions on cheating and just because ‘nothing happened’ didn’t excuse J’s behaviour. His intention had been to cheat. I was equally appalled that he thought G would sleep with him, that he thought she was ‘easy’.
Can I tell you something?
I also think secrets cause us to lie. I kept a secret from MrH this year when I bought him a Samsung watch but I was so excited to give him the gift. Not telling him was soooooo hard! But who hasn’t lied in order to keep a secret? Most people I would guess. The surprise party?
MrH and I kept our relationship secret from our classmates at college for 2 years (although I’m sure the girls knew) and when we invited them to the wedding they weren’t surprised.
That said in the right situation, if no one is being harmed, I can keep a secret. I can know a thing and never speak of it again, unless someone else is being harmed. So surprise gifts? Yep lips sealed. Medical matters? No problem. An assault that you don’t want to report? I’m here to listen. But tell me you plan to cheat on your partner? Keep it to yourself.
This post is linked to Food 4 Thought #121 “Secrets”, click HERE to see more posts inspired by the topic.