This weeks topic for Food for Thought Friday is communication, something I have written about many times before:
To name a few, although many of my posts reiterate constantly that communication is essential in D/s. From safewords to setting limits without honest communication any D/s relationship is likely to be on unsteady or unsafe ground.
Practice what you preach
Now I know I’ve just said honest communication is essential, but if your a regular reader of my blog you’ll know that I don’t exactly practice what I preach here. I have faked orgasms (albeit because I wanted Mr H to feel like he was doing a good job) and I haven’t told him when I’ve bought things, not followed my diet and so on….
So believe me when I say I am certainly not perfect when it comes to communication…
I find it hard to tell Mr H what I want him to do to me. I want to be able to.. but I don’t. Fortunately Mr H has never pushed me to tell him.
Conversely I keep asking Mr H to talk to me more, during sex I mean. I want him to tell me what he likes, what he wants me to do for or to him. I like to hear his voice. I read posts by other bloggers when they talk about their Doms talking during play, telling them how wet they are, how they are needy, desperate, their slut. These stories always make me wet imagining Mr H saying these things to me. The Safewords Club has a writing prompt and this time it’s Erotic Humiliation.
I haven’t posted a link to this one but I imagine that the way I feel when I try to talk during play and the way I imagine I’ll feel if Mr H were to tell me the things I’ve mentioned above it would probably come under that heading. [Update: I did write a post on this eventually. To read it click HERE]
MrH has upped his game recently and started talking more, and I’ve enjoyed it but it took me several months to ask him to do this. Mr H is in some ways better at communication than I am and so if he wants me to speak more during sex he will tell me.
You say it best
Rowan Keaton’s hit song when you say nothin’ at all has always been a favourite of mine. It was released the year Mr H and I got married and it was our second dance at our wedding.
Mr H has always seemed to know when something’s up with me. Even if I’d don’t say anything. He knows my moods. He knows my heartaches and my joys. He knows when I want to say something and am struggling to do so.
He, on the other hand, is still a mystery to me. He doesn’t talk about his feelings, he doesn’t analyse and dissect every thought and action. At least that’s what he tells me when I ask.
So when we started our D/s Dynamic I miss-trusted him. I thought he might just be playing along to keep me happy. I questioned and challenged him. I pushed him and worried. The he wrote a piece for The Safewords Club called A New Doms Tale and as I read this I realised he really was invested. He wasn’t playing, as it were, he was enjoying it.
Where MrH doesn’t say much, he does listen. He’s always paying attention, watching and listening. Communication is 50% talking 50% listening.
This post was a turning point for me. I stopped fighting back, pushing and challenging.
The last few months has seen more developments in our relationship. We have built a regular weekly chat into our routine. This has enabled me to work on telling Mr H what’s on my mind, and what I’d like him to do or try.
A life long conversation
Our relationship is one long conversation, one I hope never ends. We are considerate of each other and kind to each other. We listen to each other and care that the others needs are being met. We communicate.