The decision to wear a collar or not is of course entirely personal. It doesn’t make you any less of a submissive if you don’t wear a solid collar with a padlock so big your neighbour could see it without their binoculars! Your dynamic is private and personal to you – so if your Dom says you’re not a good submissive because you want something discrete or don’t want a collar at all, he is probably not the Dominant you want or are safe with.
Making the decision.
MrH and I spent quite some time talking collars. He wanted something that I could wear at any time and only he and I would know it’s significance. We decided it would be nice if he found something he liked because historically I had always chosen my own jewelry. He started searching for something that would work. Time and time again he came back to the idea of a long silver chain with a ring at one end. This is worn by threading one end through the ring.
I loved it but it wasn’t something I could wear all the time. The free end was long and would easily break if I wore it to bed – and I liked the idea of having a night collar that would perhaps be more suitable and indicative of play.
Getting creative – making collars
So MrH started looking for something and in the end he made me a collar out of suede for me to wear at bed time.
Now everyday I could wear my silver chain and know that I am Sirs but to anyone else it’s just a pretty chain. At night MrH takes off my day chain and swaps it for my night collar.
Initially we had thought that there was not necessarily a needed to have collars, after all we’re married, I have a wedding ring. Having a collar does have advantages and I have found it really does help me get into the submissive head space when my night collar goes on. The day chain enables me to feel close to Sir while I am at work; reminds me that I am his. This works for us and is what we wanted, but it really is up to you to make your relationship what you want it to be.
Sweetgirl x
just stumbled on your blog 🙂 I love wearing my collar – a locking steel eternity collar with a ring – worn it 24/7 for a year now (except for a week when I got pneumonia and it felt like it was going to choke me!) – its such a great reminder of my submission to my wife, my place in my life, my promises. My wedding ring symbolises love and honour and faithfulness and all those marriage things. My collar is kind of the same but symbolises obedience, respect, subservience and deference.. Like my wedding ring, I never want to be without it.
[…] In the end we agreed on a few simple things. He would control when, where and how we had sex and played. I would be respectful and not question him when he made a decision. We also agreed that he would give me a necklace that would serve as a symbol of my submission. […]
[…] the beginning, for our morning and night collar exchange I would always be kneeling. This collar exchange is our most ritualistic activity. Every now and then Mr H would tell me to stay standing so he […]
[…] first post dedicated to them, collars and chains discussed the basics and why we decided to use them. Since then I’ve posted about new collars […]