4 Thought or Fiction,On Everyday Life,Wicked Wednesday

Friends that come and go

I have had many friends throughout the years but I do not have any life long friends.  I have often said that people come into your life for one of two reasons, either they are there to help you, or you are there to help them.

Vanilla Friends.

I seem to have many friends who have been placed in my path who have taken from me in some way. DD Jen recently used the term “bond or burden” in her post Can I watch you have sex that struck me as very apt. Some friends have moved quickly from bond to burden. Well that may be slightly unfair, but I have had many friendships that have been very unbalanced. I certainly haven’t encouraged many that I would feel comfortable calling on if I needed help.  Whereas I have been there whenever they needed help.

Before Mr H.

When I married young, and had a baby, I lost touch with all my school friends.

When I divorced my first husband, I became friends with his cousins partner, they had a baby 6 weeks older than my son. I became the babysitter when she went to work in the afternoon. She wasn’t someone I could call on if I needed help.

I was also friendly with my next door neighbour and we would sit on the front steps when our kids were in bed asleep and share a bottle of wine. But she wasn’t someone I could call on if I needed help.

When I went to college and met Mr H my friendship with her dwindled. I was friendly with the other students but we didn’t socialise outside of college.

After Mr H.

When I fell pregnant with our second I met a lady who was expecting her first child at parent craft classes. While she was on maternity leave we hung out. Her daughter was born 6 week after our son. When she returned to work we hung out sometimes but as time went on that friendship too dwindled. When she divorced her husband I supported her.   She met a new partner, and whenever we made plans she would cancel.  After about 3 years of me making the effort to go visit her with no reciprocal visits I stopped asking and visiting. She wasn’t someone I could call on.

When I went into work I became friends with a lady I worked with. We did socialise after work and it made work enjoyable. After my dad passed away and I had my breakdown, I left work and we lost touch. She wasn’t someone I could call on.

During the period of severe depression I didn’t socialise much. I became friends with a lady whose son was at school with our youngest. She didn’t work. I didn’t work. We would sit at her house and have coffee and chat. She started a new relationship and I went to university and our friendship dwindled. I went back to work and our friendship stayed on a low simmer. We would chat once every few months. Then suddenly she stopped communicating. After 5 months I had finished work early one day and I called at her house. I knew as soon as I walked in something was wrong. She had split up with the guy and attempted suicide. Mr H and I spent 5 months helping her get back on her feet. She met someone new and I went back to work. Once again she drifted away. She isn’t someone I could call on.

I met a lady at Slimming world, who I later employed to work with me.  She lives nearby, she does my brow waxing (for free) and we meet up at her house to chat a few times a month.  When I haven’t been able to drive she has helped me out picking me up from work, and keeping in touch but I wouldn’t call her if I was in crisis, because I have Mr H.

Biker Buddies.

When I started to ride a motorbike I met 2 ladies who I call friends.

One is a police officer and when I have been poorly, in hospital etc, she has come to visit and for a while she stayed in touch. We don’t see each other much anymore, because I am too tired to go out after work, and she has a new partner and is planning to get married in 2020. I haven’t been invited.

The other is a fellow Yorkshire lass, who has been through the ringer over the last few years. She split up with her husband and struck out on her own. She’s self sufficient and resilient and she knows about Mr H and I’s relationship. I know she’s someone I can call on if I needed her, and she would be there.

Kinky Friends.

I have some people who I have met through our journey into kink. One lady, a Domme, is lovely and I do count her as a friend, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable calling on her for help, she has so much on her plate already with a frail mother to look after and her own health concerns too. I don’t speak to her often because of these things and I haven’t seen her in a while either, but I’m hopeful that our friendship will continue when these things settle down and I am able to travel again.

Then there is HisLordship and Missy, who we met in person last year. I do hope to meet with them again and I do consider them friends but our friendship is in it’s early phase and that means I wouldn’t consider calling them if I needed a hug, not because I think they would not be willing but because they are quite a distance away!

But as it stands right now, apart from MrH there is only one women who I would feel comfortable calling if I needed a hug or emotional support.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  


This post is linked to Wicked Wednesday and Food 4 Thought and to see more posts inspired by the prompts click the names.

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  1. When you look hard at it, that list of ‘friends’ just melts away until there’s a very small number who would be there for you no matter their own circumstances. I’m glad that you can identify those few because they are the ones who will lift you up irrespective of them actually being there.

    melody xx

  2. I think that the points you are making here are true for a lot of us. I have certainly had friendships over the years which have been unbalanced and when I have needed someone I have often noticed most of them are not around. I often think that many friends are circumstantial and when circumstances change, so do those friendships. I am glad that you consider HL and I to be friends, even if in the early stages. We would certainly try to be there if we could although a virtual presence is a bit different to on the door step. ❤️

  3. Thanks for the nod! Happy that the term resonated with you.

  4. I think everyone’s list of friends that they can count on in an emergency is pretty short! But I figure if we all have one or two key friends, we can make it through most things. Stay well my friend! I may not be one you call on, but in terms of the virtual world, I consider you a friend.

  5. Back when I met my best friend, she said the same to me, that people come in each other’s lives to help each other and then the friendship might end. We are 13 years down the line and still are friends, and I know I can call her in the middle of the night, and she me. She is the only friend with whom I can do that. I have other people I call friends, but none of them I would ever call when I need help. Only my best friend.

    Good to see you have two you can call when you need them!

    Rebel xox

    1. Me too!

  6. I think it is quality and not quantity that counts. We have people that come and go in our lives, The ones that are there and down for the count ar there for a reason! Thanks for sharing!

  7. I have a small handful of friends in life and a handful online. Pretty much none of my friends from former phases are still around. I see them on Facebook but consider them more like acquaintances now. I think it is pretty normal to grow out of friends as our needs and lives change over time.

  8. I think you are right about the helping thing. And this is why we make different types of friends at different times in our lives. I did the same when I first became a mother – had friends with babies – I don’t think I see any of them now. But i am a bit of a loner. x
    May More recently posted…Eating Disorder ~ Mona’s StoryMy Profile

    1. I wish sometimes I had more equal friends because when I needed people I have only MrH and I wonder if I had others it might ease his load xx

  9. David says:

    I have often said that friendships ebb and flow, sometimes good, quite often bad. I have kept in touch with 3 or 4 friends I went to school with, so those ‘friendships’ have lasted a lonnnngggg time, but there have been years we haven’t seen each other due to a a falling out, or it’s all a bit one-sided, work gets in the way etc. Hey ho, life goes on.
    As long as the person you love is also your friend, all is good.

  10. […] have written about this before, in relation to mental health as well as physical disability, but I think it is worth doing so […]

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