The Anxiety Beast

I never thought of myself as an anxious person growing up, but then again, I was extremely proficient at being the child my parents expected me to be in social situations. My mum was “painfully shy” as a child and was determined that I would not be. From a young age she pushed me into social situations, pushed me to talk to children, to perform tricks front of adults, (reciting poems/singing songs) all with the belief that this would not make me shy. Instead I …

I love your arse

I have a love hate relationship with my body. Mostly I hate it; sometimes I love it. Mr H on the other hand has always been steady in his adoration and admiration of it. He tells me quite frequently that he loves curves, especially my arse, usually accompanied with a loving squeeze. A few years ago, after my hysterectomy I finally started to lose weight. I had gained so much weight while my back was bad, and from the pain medications that I was very …

Going Out.

After work on Monday, Mr H took me to the supermarket. We used our blue badge to park in the disabled bays, and I used my wheelchair for the first time outside. It wasn’t a long outing, and perhaps it isn’t really a date but we were together and out of the house! I urged Mr H to walk slower at one point so it wouldn’t be so quick, but being out in the fresh air, for just a short time was lovely. We haven’t …

This is Me.

This week Wicked Wednesday is asking ‘what keeps you going? What do you believe in? I believe in me and I believe in Mr H. But mostly it is Hope. Hope keeps me going. I hope that my boys will find their way, hope that my back pain will one day be if not gone all together, be reduced enough that I can live a normal life, and hope that someday we will all exist without the need to hurt each other. I believe in …

Lean on Me.

Codependency is often seen as a negative thing, where one person enables another to bad behaviour or habits, and there is definitely evidence to support this. But I believe that it is possible for codependence to be something positive too. There is a tendency to take a word and give it just one meaning, to reject any other interpretation in favour of it. Submissy has written a brilliant post on how to spot the things that would mean your relationship is unhealthy, and I urge …

love

What is Love?

What is Love? What is Romance? Two questions that defy a simple answer for every single person has their own concept of them. How I define them would be entirely different to how you do, because they are subjective things. So, with that in mind, I can only really try to explain what they mean to me. Is this Love? Somewhere near the beginning of a new relationship I think we all ask ourselves this question, is this love? Song writers have certainly been able …

Life

You make me

When I saw the prompt for Wicked Wednesday I knew exactly what to write in order to answer the question, “who helps you to be the better version of yourself, only because they are in your life? Who strengthens you, motivates you, supports you, knows you like no one else?” The answer for me is quite simple, Mr H. He makes me. From the moment he came into my life in 1995 he changed my world. I fell head over heels in love although it …

400

There were so many things that came to mind when I saw the prompt 400. Should I talk about time, or how much I love Mr H, you know like the sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning “How do I love thee? let me count the ways…” Or, should I talk about human nature and the ways we hurt each other? I allowed the ideas to run around my head as time ran down, and here I am with just 2 days left and still no …

Friends that come and go

I have had many friends throughout the years but I do not have any life long friends.  I have often said that people come into your life for one of two reasons, either they are there to help you, or you are there to help them. Vanilla Friends. I seem to have many friends who have been placed in my path who have taken from me in some way. DD Jen recently used the term “bond or burden” in her post Can I watch you have …

Eat your feelings or Comfort Eating

I have a simple relationship with food on the surface, I eat almost anything and I will try almost anything; raw fish and blue cheeses are my only no, no foods.  If you scratch the surface though, my relationship is much more complex.  I comfort eat, and I over eat.  It doesn’t matter how much food is put in front of me I am compelled to eat it. Comfort eating. When I am worried, upset, anxious, sad or bored I eat.  I take negative feelings …