As the year and decade end approaches we are all prone to reflect back on our achievements and failures, and to look at how we have changed and grown in the intervening years. I think Mr H and I have come a long way together in the last ten years, and even further in the last 2. This year we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. We have been together for 24 years and I couldn’t be happier. Honestly. I am happier than I have ever been. I look at him and want to smile.
Mr H and I learn new things all the time. He is always tinkering with things, and I am always trying new things. We like arts and crafts, he makes things with paracord, or chainmaille. More recently he has been working on computer programming and I sew, knit or crochet. I enjoy writing too and this blog has enabled me to reignite that passion. We do spend a lot of time together. My disabilities make it difficult for me to do many things independently, but Mr H gets some alone time when he goes to the allotment. The last decade has seen us both learn to ride motorbikes too, which opened up a new way to see the UK.
When I look back on the last ten years, and how our relationship has changed, I see some pretty amazing things. I see a man who never fails to take care of me. His first concern is always for me and mine for him. We have grown together and not apart as I have seen so many people do. Mr H is my best friend. He is the first person I want to tell when something good happens; and he is the only one I want by my side when bad things are happening. We have weathered some rough times together. S1’s struggles with mental health and then S2’s. Through it all we have clung to each other.
Ten years ago, I returned to work. I had to see if I was strong enough, recovered enough following my breakdown five years earlier. It seemed I was and I have progressed from one area of accounts (credit control) to an accounts office manager, and then finally to working in practice. It is where I have wanted to be for the last 3 years, and I made it.
Mr H has also climbed the ladder, from second line support to third. He isn’t an ambitious man, and I suspect he will stay exactly where he is (if he can) for the rest of his working life. It is only 4 miles from our home and he hates interviews – and I don’t blame him. If I can I am going to stay exactly where I am too. A small friendly team, no headaches, no threats, and no shouting. I am only working part time but in all honesty that is working well.
Working part time means I am less tired. I am less stressed. Mr H feels the benefit of this in a more relaxed Sweetgirl.
Feeding our relationship.
I think a marriage or indeed any long term relationship requires nurturing. You have to make sure that everyday you feed that relationship with love, care and consideration. Every day you wake up and make a choice to be married, to choose each other over anyone else. And, every single day I choose him.
The last two and a half years, I think we have fed our relationship with a little bit of extra love. The introduction of a power exchange, the D/s dynamic, and all that entails has reinvigorated our relationship as well as deepening our connection. I have learned to talk to him, openly express my desires (well in truth this is still a work in progress) and he has started to talk to me too.
Every Wednesday we turn off the TV and talk. Sometimes we have things we specifically want to talk about – other weeks we just talk about our day, but for that evening we have no distractions and we focus on each other. As I am writing this it is a Wednesday and Mr H is in the bath. When he gets out of the bath our time will begin. It amazes me how much we have gained from that one conversation and Mr H being willing to give it a go. We are closer, we are more intimate and we love more passionately than we ever have.
Grow from Love.
When I think how far we have come, we are here, together. We love and are in love with each other. I delight in his body, pleasing him, making him feel good, and he enjoys mine. In the last two and a half years we have spent more time learning what turns us on which has made our sexual play more rewarding. I have had many, many orgasms since I embraced my submissive side.
I have seen many of my friends relationships and marriages end in the last decade, people who seemed to have a strong bond. Ultimately every one of them stopped being in love with each other. They led separate lives and they didn’t spend enough time being intimate, and I don’t just mean having sex, I mean touching. We went to the beach a few months ago with S2 and his friend, they snapped a picture of Mr H and I walking hand in hand, because she said it was lovely to see, and I think it is. Little caring touches, perhaps a hand squeeze, or a bum pinch, a little wink and a smile, the little things that show the other person how special they are to you and that you care, are so very important.
What I hope more than anything is that we have shown our children what a good healthy relationship is, so they look for the same, and that perhaps they, in the next decade, find that person who makes their world a better place to be. I also hope so very much that 2029 sees me writing about another amazing decade with the man of my dreams and love of my life, Mr H.
This post is linked to Sex Bloggers for Mental Health #49, ‘Personal Growth’, click HERE to read more posts inspired by the topic.