There is a difference between the words ‘might’ and ‘will’ but my brain has trouble with this. No, I’m serious and I bet I am not the only one… Let me give you an example. On Thursday night MrH said his tummy hurt and I asked if he wanted something to ease it. He said he did not and I responded with “OK” and dropped it. Normally I would have followed up with an “are you sure?” but I did not. As a result he said, “you might get a treat for that tomorrow night.”
That’s what he said; but my brain heard “you will get a treat for that tomorrow night.”
It has been a while since MrH played with me. I mean I think MrH played with me for my birthday, but I can’t actually properly remember, and it definitely wasn’t the kind of play we really, really need in order to fully reconnect as Dominant and submissive, to fully reset our roles and dynamic. We haven’t had that kind of play since we last went to our hotel in April. This has led to our play becoming very routine, in fact most of what we do now is just routine. Now, before you (my dear reader) thinks oh no! how awful for you, and suggest ways to shake things up, I am not necessarily saying that this is a bad thing.
Our D/s is a routine, it is about maintaining a steady, stable dynamic and connection. We have two sessions of cane play a week. We have one evening a week where we talk. We have our two daily rituals. One thing we do still have to get sorted is how to create the more intense mindset we experience during a hotel stay, at home, but that is a different story. On Tuesday night I got to Give MrH some special attention, and he came in my mouth which is a treat for me, and it turns me on a lot. It also makes me a little frustrated if I am horny and don’t get release.
MrH has an 8.5mm kidney stone in the tube between his bladder and left kidney. They have put in a stent to allow the urine to flow from the kidney as a temporary measure but it comes with some potential side effects.
It can cause discomfort. It can cause blood in the urine after ‘strenuous activity’ or again, it could result in discomfort or pain. For the first few days MrH pee was definitely bloody, but he was not in any pain, well unless you count (and I do) the pain at the end of his penis when he peed which was likely from the instrumentation being put up there to place the stent (if you are a man reading this I bet you just winced hehehe). In a few weeks he will have Laser Lithotripsy to break the stone into smaller pieces, which they may then remove or allow to pass normally, and again this will involve going back up the urethral opening in the penis and once again MrH will be uncomfortable. It should be a day case though and not involve an overnight stay, which I am, quite selfishly, grateful for, but in the mean time while the stent is in place I am aware that MrH has to take things easy and as some of our sexual activity could be classed as ‘strenuous activity’ it will require some careful monitoring. I mean if MrH finds it painful he will have to stop, and I would expect him to do so, just as he would expect me to tell him if I was in pain. The last thing I want is for him to be in pain.
The ‘Might’ of it
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, my brain and the way it changes words. So, last night as we were watching TV, I noticed MrH was a little uncomfortable, and when I asked he said he didn’t think he had drunk enough during the day. I knew, right then there would be no treat, and my heart sank. I felt disappointed. Now, let me be clear, I know I have no right to feel this way. MrH made no promise to me, no guarantee. He said ‘might’ and it really isn’t his fault that my brain heard ‘will’. I shouldn’t feel frustrated or sulk, but I am very aware that last night I felt both of those things, and I really, really shouldn’t have.