The Fifty Shades trilogy did a lot to bring kink into the mainstream media and probably into a significant amount of relationships too. I have read the first book and yes the kink scenes were delightful and turned me on, but I actually found it a dreadful book to read. I started to read the second book and gave up. Most people are aware that it started life as Fan Fiction; E L James is a huge fan of Twilight, but the similarities between the characters and the story just bugged the life out of me, and that was before I realised what a poor example of D/s it actually is.
Bad Examples
Christian allows an inexperienced person to engage in kink with no real concept of what she is agreeing to. She is in such awe of him she fails to use her safeword. As an allegedly experienced Dominent he should have been more aware of this, after all Safe, Sane and Concensual (SSC) or Risk Aware Concentual Kink (RACK) are the two main concepts promoted within the BDSM community and yet even having given her a contract to read and sign, he does not consider the inherent power imbalance at the start of their relationship, nor does he regularly check in with her.
This book did have one very positive impact on my life. It gave me a way to ask MrH to try kink which in turn changed our relationship dramatically. We became more intimate, more expressive, more passionate and I got to be more orgasmic. I’ve had more orgasms since I became MrH submissive than in the previous 25 years.
Judgment
But for all the hype around 50 Shades, I think Kink is still a nudge nudge snigger giggle subject. Try talking about sex toys with your friends and the volume lowers, the embarrassed giggles start and their view of you changes. You risk becoming “that” friend. The one who’s into weird stuff.
The only place we feel able to talk openly about our interest in kink is at the local Munch or during online chats at The SafeworD/s Club. There we have found friends and acceptance. The kink community is amazing, so supportive and helpful and I am glad to be a part of it.
Sweetgirl x
This post was inspired by Wicked Wednesday #383 ‘kink’, click HERE to read more posts written for the topic.
I’m always so happy to be in the company of other kinksters… not having to censor what I say or even do (with consent). I never feel quite myself in the vanilla world.
Me too, I feel on edge, because I’m concealing part of myself.
I agree it was horribly written, and I could’t get past book 1 either. Truthfully, even before I was into Kink i just knew there was something not right about it…
I think a lot of people who read 50 shades have gone on to read other books that are better written. But it doesn’t seem to have made it easier for people to discuss sex and kink more widely. I’m glad, that even though you didn’t enjoy the books it gave you the opportunity to explore kink. I only got half way through the first book and haven’t seen the film.
So with u here Melody – on the lumping it in with Harry Potter – I always say the same
fine!
You’re right that the series is definitely a gateway and brought the concept of kink and D/s more into the mainstream. It also flooded the market with similar stories and made the whole idea much more “acceptable”. It’s useful as long as it leads to further education and understanding about all it’s flaws (both literary and relationship wise!). Our own story echoes yours in the pleasure and fun and “rightness” of it all.
Huzzah for the kink community 🙂
Lol
I read the 1st book because Channel 4 asked me to for a programme I was going to be on. I hated it for all the reasons you said but overall I think the popularity of it was a positive thing. It made kink a more acceptable subject and also like you opened up many peoples relationship to exploring it
Molly
I managed to get through the second book before I couldn’t handle it. This was when I was on the cusp of discovering kink and I was appalled at a host of things happening in the story. The most terrible bit being how poorly written the book was.
I’m with you there…