Did you read or watch 50 shades and think that’s hot? Has your husband patted you on the bottom and you thought I would like more of that? Let me tell you now, in real life being a submissive wife (or partner) is not like the books or movies, it is much, much better.
Most of the couples I have interacted with all seem to start the same way, the potential submissive wife has broached the subject with their partner. You can read about the start of my journey by clicking here and so I won’t go into it too much now, suffice to say, I asked Mr H, and he eventually agreed. I say eventually, because, initially he didn’t think I would find submission, deferring to him or being told what to do, something I would really like.
Turns out, he was dead wrong.
We started out ‘bedroom only’ so our everyday lives remained the same. Well almost. We were texting each other all the time. I sent pictures of my boobs and my pussy. I text him telling him how horny I was, how I couldn’t stop thinking about what ever sexual activity we had engaged in the night before, or how I wished I could be sucking his cock right then. He sent me pictures of his hard cock and told me how he wanted me to be sucking his cock or fucking me too.
How do I start?
As with all things, it is going to start with a conversation, and it may have to be the most open, revealing and frank conversation you have ever had. Very few couples actually talk about their sexual desires or preferences, at least that’s been my experience of vanilla couples. I started with an idea, that I wanted Mr H to tie me up and spank me. Ultimately if you want your partner to dominate you, you need to consider their personality and be prepared for them to say no. Your vision may differ vastly from theirs, and when you are placing them in the position of power and control, they will decide on the direction you take.
Defining boundaries.
If your partner agrees to be dominant, they will be in control of how your dynamic works. That isn’t to say that you as the submissive partner have no say in how it works, because everything that happens should be within agreed parameters, rather within those parameters the Dominant is in charge.
We created a list of do’s and don’ts. Things we were willing to explore and things that were completely off limits. For example, anal play was a yes but scat play was a no and bondage was a yes, but gags a no. Armed with this list of parameters Mr H was then able to decide what he wanted to explore.
I wanted to do everything all at once, Mr H controlled the pace and play. He wrote about this for The SafeworD/s Club and you can read the full post by clicking here.
Handing over control.
Handing over control to your partner is probably one of the hardest parts. As a woman we are told we are equal to men and that they do not or should not control us. Becoming submissive seems counter intuitive however, I am in no way lesser than Mr H. He does not consider me to be beneath him. I give him my submission, I choose to defer to him, but I am no less valued or important. To Mr H I am precious, treasured, his equal, his partner, his wife and lover. My happiness, comfort and needs are important to him and nothing happens within our dynamic that I do not consent to.
I wanted desperately for Mr H to have control, but didn’t trust that he would, at least in the beginning, I wasn’t sure if he really wanted to be my Dominant. Reading his post for The SafeworD/s Club allayed these doubts and allowed me to relinquish the last elements of control to him.
Respect, trust and Love.
I have read posts by some submissive’s who have been upset because their dominant has decided to play with other people, and when they are asked why they they agree to this if it makes them unhappy they have said ” that’s his right because he’s the Dominant and I have to accept it.” This reasoning makes my blood boil and my skin crawl. In my opinion, that Dominant is acting without the consent of their submissive, they are not taking the submissive’s feelings into account, and it isn’t what I consider to be a “good” relationship. In most circles this lack of consideration is considered a red flag. These so called Dominants do not respect the boundaries that have been agreed, or they do not consider the feelings of their Submissive to be important, either way, I do not consider them to be a good example of Dominant behaviour. Again this is only my opinion, but if you as the submissive say no to non-monogamy the Dominant should respect it.
A power exchange dynamic relies on trust. When you play on the edge you have to know that if you use a safeword to stop play they will stop.
So if you really want to be a submissive wife go for it. Do lots and lots of research, and talk to your partner, really talk. With the best will in the world we are not able to read minds and when entering into a dynamic like this, you must be explicit in what you want and expect from each other, but if you take your time and communicate well you may find it is the best thing you ever did.
I hope this was helpful, I wish you loads of luck and hope most of all that you have lots of fun if you do decide to explore Dominance and submission!
Sweetgirl x
Here are some links to others posts you may find interesting:
- Tell Me About: Dominance
- Tell Me About: Submission
- Tell Me About: Consent
- Tell Me About: Safewords
- Tell Me About: Trust
- Tell Me About: The Power Exchange
Finding a community that is accepting, a place where you can ask questions is also invaluable. The SafeworD/s Club is just that. With chats at 8pm GMT on Tuesdays and Sundays, come along and chat with friends you have yet to meet.
Great post!!! I <3 submitting to my husband.
Excellent post. Many submissives that are just starting out are not prepared for their dom to tell them no. If that’s the case.. are you really submitting? One of the hardest concepts to grasp for new subs is the idea that giving up control means being happy with not always getting what you want. But why would you be happy about not getting something you want? Because by accepting your doms decision you are submitting.. and as a submissive.. that brings you joy.
Another interesting point you made was about a dom playing with others without concent of their sub. A good dom considers the impact his actions have on his sub. Is a dom free to play with others? That depends on your agreed apon dynamics. But even if they are free to play.. a good dom understands that if it hurts the sub to do so that should be taken vary seriously.
Nice post sweet, it can be such a minefield starting out so I hope this is of use to someone beginning the journey
Maybe you should do one… “so you’ve been asked to be a Dominant?”
Now now now it’s not about “teaching” is it… its about sharing tips ….
And you write very eloquently
Thank you ❤❤
Nice post, sweet. If people just went by the books and movies that are out there, they surely wouldn’t get the right idea, especially when it comes to long-term, 24/7 couples. More people need to be writing this story to reclaim that narrative.
Thank you ❤
Good advice Sweet, I think many people starting out on this rollercoaster will find it very helpful.
Thank you
I love being a submissive wife but I feel like my hubby is too polite. He wants us to have romantic sex which is great but I’d love him being more dominant and at least pull my hair while doing doggy or spanking me. I love sex with him but we do nothing naughty. He only once spanked me then he said sorry, and I bursted out laughing because I barely felt the spank. So I resort to these stories which are great, thank you for this post! 🙂
Hello Otilia have you had discussions with him, told him what turns you on? It took some time for MrH to be comfortable with rougher sexual play, but he has to be willing to take the journey with you. Perhaps he would read my journal too??
Thank you for your reply, I’ll try to make him read your journal, it might help. 🙂
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Thanks for the tips. I’ll put them to good use in my submissive journey.