When our relationship first came to include BDSM, I imagined every single possible moment would be filled with sex. I wouldn’t be able to move without Mr H thrusting a hard cock into me and telling me what how he was proud of me, and how he loved I was always ready for him. Of course I was not realising that the truth of the dynamic I asked for, being submissive to Mr H, meant accepting he would be the Dominant. He would be in charge and as such we would be having sex when Mr H wanted and not the other way around.
Separating Sex and BDSM.
Now, don’t misunderstand, there is plenty of kinky fuckery! The routine we now have, with the covid-19 lockdown in effect means on a Sunday afternoon when J goes to work we can play, and play we do. For the first time in our BDSM relationship Mr H is combining impact play with sex while we are at home.
Historically combining play has been limited to hotel stays, and while we were at home, Mr H would separate impact play from sexual play. In the past (pre lockdown) on a Wednesday and Sunday, I would receive a caning. I have been asked if this is followed by sex, and the answer is no it isn’t. After impact play, Mr H usually helps me under the covers, and I slowly come back out of the deeply relaxed state I am in. This can take up to half an hour, although last Sunday after my caning at half past 8 I fell sound asleep.
Being in this mental subspace isn’t really conducive to further play. My body is uncooperative, and there would be a good case to say I am unable to consent. Mr H and I do have a general consent in place due to our long relationship and he knows my limits well. This being said Mr H has not tended to utilise this blanket consent, instead choosing to enjoy impact play as a stand alone activity.
Rope play has mostly had this same status, of stand alone play, at least when we are at home. Again when we go to hotels rope play becomes part of the day’s activities, which blur together.
Merging Activities.
The last few weeks have seen a change in this. We have been making the most of our Sunday’s and we have indulged in Rope Work for the Tie Me Up Tuesday Prompt, and taken photos of the finished ties. Then I have been positioned on the wedge cushion and flogged. After being flogged for a while Mr H parts my legs to gaining access to my pussy. Taking the Doxy he begins to coax climax after climax out of me, making me a puppet to his wand. Sometimes, Mr H has continued to flog me while the Doxy works away, or landed a few spanks, which has been delightful. Eventually, usually when I fall limp after a deep whole body orgasm, Mr H will pull me back towards him, putting the doxy aside, and thrust his cock into me until his own climax leaves him sated too.
I have to admit to enjoying this combination of sex and BDSM, taking them out of their individual compartments, and allowing them to be enjoyed together, and I have hopes that at some point the rope will become part of the play. Given the position I am placed in, it would be quite easy to tie my arms to the headboard and my feet to the bottom of the bed. Hmmm, now there’s a delightful image.
Do it YOUR way.
As you can see you don’t have to include sex with every play. There many kinks available and some of them do not lend themselves to sex at all. Wax play for example is quite messy, and if wax play was used with sex you would probably end up with wax flakes everywhere! I’m not exactly an expert but I would imagine getting wax in body hair may prove challenging and painful to remove, but that doesnt mean you ‘can’t’ do it, if that is what you want to do.
I have said it a few times before, and this is unlikely to be the last time I say it too, your BDSM relationship is yours. You can map it and travel it however you wish to, for there is no one true way to practice BDSM, except the way you find works for you.
Sweetgirl x
This post was inspired by Wicked Wednesday #417 ‘Sex and BDSM’, click HERE to see more posts about the topic.
I so enjoy all these different perspectives on this topic. Mr. H thrusting his cock in after taking care of you sounds very hot and well deserved (for him). 🙂
Agreed!!!
It’s lovely to hear that you have such wonderful Sunday afternoons and are combining all the deliciousness together. And I agree, everyone should do their D/s the way that works for them. There just is no true way 🙂
~ Marie xox
Thank you xx
I am so envious of your Sundays pm’s
I am hoping to have more spanking etc and less sex lol
Mayx
I don’t get many spankings because of the jolt to my back, so when MrH spanks he does so lightly.
Lol, I thought the same when my Dominant suggested we go 24/7. I thought I’d be in full submission, always :p
Thanks for your post 🙂
I like how his vision turned out
It’s always illuminating reading about the routines and rules that other people conduct their relationships by. Thanks for this window into yours.
Thank you x
Glad you’re both making use of the time as well as you can, the bliss that comes from you’re regular canibf sounds wonderful. Keep exploring those kinky things and see what works together.
Thank you
How come it would very specifically be a caning. Is that your/his favourite tool?
The things you write about in regards to your play and BDSM always make me smile. If rope does end up being combined with further play I hope you tell us about it!
I’m not sure I understand your query re the cane. We use the cane most often (Wednesday and Sunday) because it’s quieter than flogging or spanking. Our favourite is a spanking because of the physical contact, but a spanking doesn’t last long, flogging would probably be 2nd favourite with cane 3rd.
Of course I will tell you if I get my wish to be tied up too
Things that can only live in my fantasies at the moment haha. I’m glad that quarantine has helped lend a hand in creating more opportunities for you to explore your kinks.
This is true, although when J goes out during the week we get to play more!
Do you have any rope bondage advice? I’ve recently been testing out the kink lifestyle and I’m really liking it, but haven’t tried anything with ropes yet.
Hi Jenny, rope bondage is a lot of fun, but there are also a number of safety issues, so, my first bit of advice is get scissors. When you buy your rope make sure to buy some scissors. We got safety ones like nurses use to remove dressings.
There’s loads of different types of rope. We started using the cotton rope, as its soft, but it also stretches and the knots do not stay tight. Last year we bought a drum of 6mm hemp rope. MrH has then cut some pieces off the reel in various lengths, but it cost us £45 ish for this. I would suggest starting with the cotton which can be purchased at most online toy shops as well as from Ebay and Etsy. The fact it stretches means it’s easier to get out of should anything go wrong.
There are loads of videos on YouTube that will teach you shibari knots and ties, and it is possible to tie yourself. Use the categories filter and show the ‘tie me up Tuesday’ posts. Open the post and click on the link to see more posts, that will take you to MLSlaves website. She does ties on herself!
I am a rope bunny, I love being tied and have not much interest in doing the tying. MrH is a rigger as he likes it (we go together well).
I don’t know if you have found your local kink community munch yet, but if you haven’t I urge you to do so. This would be the place to find someone to do homework with (unless you have found someone to play with already of course). There is even a rope workshop at our club.
Once you have all these things in place a partner, your scissors, a tie you’re going to try, just go for it. If at any time the person being tied says their limb(s) are going numb get the ties off them as quickly as possible. MrH checks my fingers for blood flow by squeezing the ends of each finger to see that the colour changes, if he’s tying my arms or my toes if he’s tying my legs.
I hope that helps? Most important thing is to have fun, I find it a relaxing experience, and have almost fallen asleep
Have fun,
Sweet
Your writing is a breathe of fresh air.Have you ever had sensual electrolysis session. This i believe was my first advance session. It left me feeling very emotional, numb and worthless at the end. Is that normal? Didnt understand why i felt that way because it was amazing.
No, I haven’t, but, it is quite normal to experience a drop after play. Generally referred to as sub drop. Do a search for “sub drop” as I have written about it and link to another article that should help x
Ok, thank you
LOVE LOVE LOVE xx
Thank you
Amazing post
Thank you
Informative ❤ post.
Thank you
Steamy and beautiful.
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