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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Why

I’ve always liked to know how things work. “Why?” Drove my mum mad when I was a toddler… my boys were similarly curious.  Unfortunately, why? has been the root cause of much of my mental health issues. Why did my dad have to die suddenly of a heart attack, aged 51? Why did my mum let my stepfather terrorise me? Why did my first husband cheat? Why didn’t my dad pick me up from the train station when I would visit as a single mum like …

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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Vagina

I do so like to have Mr H’s cock in my vagina. Actually for the most part I don’t care where he sticks his cock (if it’s in me) I’m happy! But I know it’s his favourite place to put it.  But from a general perspective the vagina is a pretty remarkable bit of engineering. It’s capable of stretching in order to fit a baby through it…. a baby…. my first born child’s head was big. He was 8 lbs 11 oz. He tore out of …

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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Universe

I am me, the universe and you.  I first heard this song in a Greys Anatomy episode called the Song Beneath the Song.  It’s how I feel about Mr H. I am me. I am his. He is mine. We make our own world. He makes me feel everything and anything is possible. He encourages and supports me. He knows when I’m tired, worried or upset without me saying a word. He reads me. Here are are the lyrics to this lovely song. Universe and U A …

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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Tears

If you’re familiar with my blog you’ll be aware that I have regular emotional meltdowns.  Sub-drop after particularly intense play can feel quite brutal. I feel so needy and desperate for Mr H to touch and reassure me but I’m also unable to articulate it well. Usually this results in tears and then cuddles. I also get separation anxiety. When Mr H is at work on a Saturday or away from home (no matter where he is) I get anxious. That anxiety usually manifests in sadness, …

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Count yourself lucky

By some standards my upbringing was normal. Born in 1974 in a small mining town in South Yorkshire, my maternal grandparents lived one street away and my paternal grandparents had a farm.  I was lucky until I was 5 years old, and my life was perfect, if you don’t count the fact that my tiny tears doll didn’t cry anymore because my baby brother pulled it’s head off!  Then one night my mum left my dad and moved us in with his best friend. A man who’s …

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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Sex and Submission

They’re obviously really aren’t they? Given my blog?  I have talked about these two subjects many times. I guess there have been many, many lightbulb moments over the last 22 months that the introduction of submission has triggered. I’ve felt shame which I have talked about in my post I’m Gonna Show You Crazy as well as how my inner voice causes me a great deal of stress. Our sex life has had a new lease of life and through honest communication it has also improved …

My fingers broken….

Well maybe it’s my clit… I don’t know for sure, but since I discovered how amazing a wand orgasm is I haven’t had a “finger on clit” orgasm. Doesn’t matter if Mr H is at the helm or I try myself. So maybe it’s my clit that’s broken or perhaps it’s gone one strike?? Mr H’s Tongue and Finger(s)/Hand can get me there….. Eventually. I don’t even know if “promises” will still work as it’s been a while since that toy came out to play. …

Nerves

It’s 2pm and I’m sat waiting for MrH to say it’s time to go.  Earlier today I got a sudden attack of nerves, almost panic. I didn’t know what to pack. I didn’t know what to expect. It feels like such a long time since we went away to this hotel and this is where MrH feels most relaxed and able to play. We stay in a suite of rooms. It’s our little spoil. We stay dinner, bed and breakfast (half board) and the food there …

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Wednesday Night chat: 17th April

On Wednesdays we don’t turn the TV on upstairs. Instead we talk and afterwards MrH will usually get the cane out. We started it a few months ago and we’ve stuck to it pretty well until recently when I have been struggling with my back. s I’m sure you can appreciate when I’m numb and can’t respond to pain, impact play is a bad idea. As I’ve improved we are getting back to normal and on Tuesday MrH got the cane out. Impact Play. Anyway …

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Blogging from A2Z 2019: Rough

I like MrH to be rough. I like to feel how powerful he is.  I like it when, if he’s told me to keep still and I move, he slaps my leg and tightly grips my face in his fingers and growls “don’t fucking move!” I love it when he pushes me against the wall and teases me by brushing his lips over my jaw and neck without kissing me. I love it when he waits til I’m trembling before he kisses me thoroughly. I like …