Exploring Kink as a Monogamous Married Couple
For many years I was ashamed of my body. I avoided mirrors, and was convinced my husband found me unattractive. Diets never stuck – or should I say I never stuck with diets – and for every bit of weight I lost I gained double within a few months. It took me a long time to realise that the reason for the weight gain was emotional not physical. Yes I ate too much or ate the wrong foods in excess, but because I hid myself …
Letting go of learned behaviours must be one of the hardest things to do. I say this because at 45 I still struggle to leave food on my plate, and no matter how I try when I put clothes on I immediately focus on how big my backside and hips are. These things are leftovers from my childhood that resurface over and over again. One of the reasons I am refocusing on losing weight is because I know it impacts my mental health negatively when …
I watched cartoons a lot as a child, I mean, a lot. My youngest sibling was born when I was a few months away from 10 and he became my real life doll. I spent hours entertaining and supervising him when my mum had driving lessons, or when my parents went out, but the character I always identified with most was Taz the Tasmanian Devil. He would spin onto screen destroying everything in his path and no one seemed to understand a word he said. …
I don’t take a huge amount of photographs and I would say I dabble with photography more than anything and I will be eternally grateful for editing software! I do think that taking pictures of myself has helped to improve my self esteme and there are quite a few images I have taken that I am very happy with – generally speaking they feature my boobs. Breast Photography. I have written before about how I love my boobs, and I have a section of the …
I have a simple relationship with food on the surface, I eat almost anything and I will try almost anything; raw fish and blue cheeses are my only no, no foods. If you scratch the surface though, my relationship is much more complex. I comfort eat, and I over eat. It doesn’t matter how much food is put in front of me I am compelled to eat it. Comfort eating. When I am worried, upset, anxious, sad or bored I eat. I take negative feelings …
A while ago, I did a strip tease for Mr H. I practiced for a week and I really enjoyed doing it. He grinned and got an erection, the perfect appreciation. When I am feeling a little flirty and playful I will sometimes ask Mr H, “do you like what you see?” “Oh yes!” Is my favourite verbal answer, but when he runs his hands over my body, when his cock gets harder, that’s my all time favourite response, that’s appreciation that can’t be faked. …
Well would you? Would you? I would. In fact I do, all the time. I lie to myself daily, hourly even. There are times when the lies are all I have. The biggest and most frequent one. I’m fine. People ask me, “how are you?” They don’t want the truth, they want a lie, they expect a lie. If you tell them the truth too much they hide away from it, and you. They don’t want to hear that it hurts so bad I feel …
This morning I went downstairs to find my work clothes as I hadn’t put them away after washing them at the weekend. I put my cardigan over my new bra and panties set and when I walked into the kitchen where MrH was making drinks he paused for a moment and admired the view… The look on his face has made me smile all day… Who would have thought a cardigan could be so sexy??
It’s been one year and a bit since we became a D/s couple. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m also more terrified. I’m so terrified that it will end. Frightened it’s been a wonderful illusion. Scared the passion will evaporate. So scared it makes me a little crazy. For years our relationship drifted along. We were happy enough, and we had good sex. Not often mind you – everyday life got in the way. We were tired. We didn’t make the effort. My self …
This post isn’t an easy one to write. But I’m going to do it anyway. Because I think I need to. Since we started in D/s we’ve explored so much and grown so much but in other areas I struggle. One of these is talking to MrH about intimate things. Talking about my body, what I fantasize about. When I do I hide my face, I feel shame and embarrassment. And I wish I didn’t. I can write it without issue. But I’d like to …