On Being Married and Relationships

7th August 2019: Disloyalty

I am part of an amazing online community called The SafeworD/s Club, and they have regular chat nights when we discuss various topics. The chat this Tuesday was Anal play.

I started by saying this is something that I do enjoy butt (see what I did there? Haha) it isn’t something we do and so I didn’t know how much I would be able to contribute.

Submissy the hostess of the club asked I thought you liked it?

And she’s quite right I do, but we haven’t done any anal play since 24th November 2018 and you can read about that here. I do understand that the haemorrhoid I developed after this was very painful, I mean it was my ass after all, but we’ve played before without issue and so I think the beads caused it not the anal play in itself.

Some people assumed it was that I was nervous about anal play, and they suggested MrH start with something small, perhaps a butt plug or a finger so I get used to it. I didn’t like how it made me feel saying to people the size isn’t the issue I enjoy anal but MrH doesn’t.

When they asked why and I said MrH just says it’s your poop hole.

He’s also said that because of the extra preparation and equipment required like gloves, condoms, lube, towel for putting the used anal toys on, as well as, a towel for used vaginal toys, so there’s no cross contamination, he finds it doesn’t flow easily in a scene.

The chat progressed and as much as I wanted to join in I felt like I was criticising, complaining, whining, grumbling (that’s probably the word that fits best) that I wasn’t getting the type of play that I wanted.

I ended up feeling very unhappy and I felt disloyal.

I have chosen to be MrH’s submissive and if he doesn’t like something then we won’t do it… If I said I didn’t like a particular thing MrH would not force me to, so I certainly don’t want to be hypocritical and place MrH in a position where he feels obliged to include anal play.

All I ever want is for him to do the things he enjoys, with me, for the rest of our lives.

Sweetgirl x

Sweet Autumn Rose  


happy woman video chatting on laptop in kitchen
Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA on Pexels.com

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  1. My Queen has pegged me but the preparations are annoying. So she doesn’t do it often. She does like doing it to me though. But it will never happen to her. As she says, “Exit only!”

    1. Lol

  2. I don’t think you were disloyal or it certainly didn’t come across that way to me. As you say, we all like different things and as I said at the time, if I knew HL felt that way then I think it would take the edge of me wanting to do something too. We try lots of different types of kink when we start out and I think that we come to find what works best for us as a couple and what areas we want to take further. Some will remain occasional things. You said that Mr H did enjoy it at times and I suppose it is like many other things in life. If I cook with chorizo once in a while, HL comments how much he enjoyed the meal. But if I use it more regularly he doesn’t like it as he finds it too much. Why should sex and play be any different to anything else? I am sorry that the chat left you with negative feelings – that was certainly not the intention. 🙂

    1. Oh no please don’t think it was the chat .. it was me… even MrH said it was silly to feel this way. You’re all superb people and that’s a very good way of looking at it ❤

  3. I found that chat useful how you wanted to please MrH so much that the value of an act comes down to what he enjoys. That was important for me to learn.

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