woman in gray tank top

How to keep your mind from going mad

In this new lockdown, as with others, one of the things I see most on social media is how bored people are, going mad, stir crazy, locked up in their homes with their families. I find this saddening and fascinating at the same time. We spend so much time busy with our lives, running here and there, how many of us actually spend time truly together? So many couples reach retirement only to find they do not know each other any more. But I digress …

couple embracing real love

Real love, lockdown and being cared for.

Well hello 2021. Mr. H and I saw in the new year the way we always do, in bed, sleeping. Real Love. That’s what we have, real love. Not fancy, not glamorous. Just real. The UK is locked down again. Not surprising for most of us and yet despite all the restrictions and warnings from the NHS that it is overwhelmed there were still people selfish enough to protest outside a leading hospital, without masks or following social distancing rules, saying covid is a hoax. …

christmas 2020 post thoughts on covid 19

Reflecting on 2020: Covid 19, Chronic Pain and Isolation.

What a year 2020 has been. I don’t think anyone’s world is unchanged. So many have lost loved ones, whether that be from covid 19, or not, and so much loneliness caused by isolation either from fear of infection or from the national and regional lockdowns, 2020 has been a year of desperation and uncertainty for us all. Covid 19 The emergence of Covid 19 in March as a Worldwide pandemic affected my household very little. Mr. H and I were already unable to go …

flogging, submissive pose, kneeling

How to cope when your D/s becomes D/s Less

2020 has kicked our D/s Asses. My chronic pain and all the side effects of that have brought our D/s activities to a resolute stop and it has not only highlighted how much we enjoy them, but how they have become part of our normal lives. D/s, D’not. We used to partake 2 cane sessions each week – Wednesdays and Sundays. As I have lost some of the feeling in my derriere it is no longer safe to do this activity. All D/s activities are …

How to stay positive when life sucks

I think it is fair to say for many people right now life kinda sucks. We are unable to enjoy the freedoms we did in order to ensure the NHS can cope with the number of people that are unwell, and to protect as many vulnerable people as possible. Covid 19 will, I think, be remembered the way we remember the black death and the Spanish Flu, and I for one hope that I do not lose and friends or family to it (touch wood). …

hospital appointment

My hospital appointment was cancelled. Now what?

Yes, you read that right, my hospital appointment has been cancelled. It’s not like I haven’t been expecting it. I always plan for the worst; I’d rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed, but I guess the closer it got, the more I began to hope. The last few days my mobile has received calls from a ‘private’ number but on answering it has disconnected. This is unfortunately not uncommon as the signal in our home is shocking, even using wifi calling. When I finally got …

naked liberty boobs

How to Find Liberty: Being Emotionally Naked

For many years I was ashamed of my body. I avoided mirrors, and was convinced my husband found me unattractive. Diets never stuck – or should I say I never stuck with diets – and for every bit of weight I lost I gained double within a few months. It took me a long time to realise that the reason for the weight gain was emotional not physical. Yes I ate too much or ate the wrong foods in excess, but because I hid myself …

Fate

Hope is a waste of time.

“You only have one chance to make a good impression,” is something that my parents drummed into me my whole childhood, and they were damn good at putting on a show that meant people never saw the real home I lived in.  I knew from an early age that nothing I did was good enough, I was a girl, a split arse, useless, a disappointment.  I have tried so hard to redefine myself as an adult especially after my breakdown in 2005, but recent events …

Seven Days in April – Day Five

I have spoken a few times about how I have a tendency to overthink things and how this affects my mental health.  The lockdown has I think, had a bad effect on many people judging from some of the comments on twitter and facebook from people who are struggling with feelings of isolation and boredom.  I have a theory that having things to do, to occupy your mind is essential to maintaining a stable mental state.  I know it doesn’t do for me to be …

I love being a girl.

I love being a girl, I’ve never wanted to be anything else and I know that makes me lucky.  I have never known the emotional struggle of not feeling comfortable in my own body, of having to make others understand that my gender identity is not the one I was assigned at birth.  I know nothing of it.  How could I?  It’s not something I have experienced.  My brother is gay and our parents were extremely and openly homophobic. We hated it, but given my …